I recently read an article by Chip Johnson of the SF Chronicle on the responsibility TG women have to disclose their transgender history with potential partners, and it occurred to me that the one thing I haven’t yet read about is that the problem is not with the TG women – it’s with the violence perpetrated by men whose egos are so fragile they must defend their machismo and heterosexuality at a tremendous cost. I’m tired of it.
I’m sharing a letter I wrote to Chip Johnson articulating these concerns:
Thanks for your article about Gwen Araujo about the danger for TG women of not disclosing their TG history. My husband is TG, & is often assumed to be female even when presenting as male. I have seen the impact this “surprise” can have on people first-hand, even in a non-sexual situation.
That said, I would love it if you and other columnists would clarify that the whole responsibility should not be on the shoulders of TG people, especially – as you pointed out – now that TG women are transitioning at younger and younger ages. What about these homophobic, small-minded bigots who think violence is an answer to everything? When do we write articles about their responsibility in the violence? As you know from the defense that is being offered in Gwen’s case, it is absolutely necessary that we point out the macho, heterosexist attitudes that have got to change – or, at the very least, the idea that violence is any kind of response to a surprise of this kind.
I am what’s referred to as a ‘genetic woman’ in the TG community, and I am astounded over and over again that the unspeakable behavior of some men when faced with a TG woman – or with a genetic woman who says no – is not the issue that is called out in the press.
TG women, like genetic women, have the right to feel safe especially within sexual contexts. Sexual attention from men is not always wanted, but women still have the burden of making sure the men – who are being sexually aggressive – not only know what our parts look like but that their fragile male egos are not bruised by rejection. Why can’t we call them out, for being immature and so locked in macho idiocy, instead? Certainly the gay male community is also all too aware of the violence inflicted by straight men who must preserve their macho pride, at all costs. All of us – gay men, genetic women, TG women – have got to take a stand against this neanderthal behavior, and start demanding that courts not let these bullies have their way.
Thanks again,
Helen Boyd, author of My Husband Betty