Betty sent me this article about match.com, written by a woman about the disastrous effects of the plethora of women available to men on services like match.com. An article like this confuses me, not because I can’t relate – believe me, I can: I had guys cheat on me, guys who didn’t want a commitment, guys who failed to mention girlfriends. & I’m certainly sure that none of the women reading that article and relating to it – the kind of women who use match.com and who need or want or imbibe the “dating principles” at the end of the article – will really care for advice from a woman married to someone trans.
But I’m going to say it anyway: I don’t understand how a woman could be confused as to whether a guy is interested or not. Does he treat you as well as your friends do, or better? Then he likes you. If he doesn’t, walk. If you can’t tell, he’s not interested.
But still, reading it, I’m struck by this urge women have to make themselves into “what guys want.” I go into this some in the new book, but I don’t get re-shaping yourself according to some abstract idea of what men are looking for in women. It doesn’t matter what guys want, what cultural trends are. It just doesn’t. It takes one guy, who’s well-suited to you, who likes you for the things that most guys *don’t* find attractive about you, or at least who aren’t likely to. I’ve always had a hard time understanding what Betty liked about me, and then we rescued Aurora, who is an ornery, difficult, complicated cat who also happens also to be loving, sweet, playful, loyal and smart. It’s only seeing how much she has Betty wrapped around her little paw that the lightbulb went off: Betty likes difficult women. Mystery solved.
I just don’t see how becoming a cookie cutout of a woman would ever help along the quest for a mate. But I guess a lot of women want cookie cutouts for husbands, too, which is also something I don’t understand. I guess my marriage to Betty is more than ample evidence that I prize singularity, as does she.
For those of you who don’t get the reference in the post’s title, I refer you to my sister Kath, who whenever she’s asked for a match, replies, “I haven’t had a match since Supergirl.” 😉