I was like an addict trying desperately to find love, or even the perfect relationship. But I always fell short and was disappointed. Little did I know it was never the relationship; it was the image in the mirror that made no sense. I was the one that needed to change. I was lost, I felt broken, it wasn’t until I was 38 years old when my life finally took a right turn. I met the most amazing female. She was different, not like the other girls I had known. She was special, something about her allowed me to be myself. She was straight and had lived with men all her life. Yet, she was curious about girls, having had a few encounters in the past, but nothing too serious.
We met at Bally’s. I could feel her presence: she would stare at me for hours at a time during my work outs at the gym. One day she actually approached me in the women’s locker room. Introducing herself to me, she said, “Hi my name is Violet, and I like girls.” It was an awkward introduction, but eff ective. From that day on it was history. We went on a few dates, then after a few months, we moved in together. It was however, a challenging relationship. I am old fashioned and controlling – your typical Latino male. She was like a wild horse, untamed, and did not like being told what to do. We struggled at first, yet it was promising, and after finally working out the quirks, we managed to have smooth sailing for the most part. She had been in a long term relationship with another guy. But things weren’t so great between them. As a matter of fact, they were rooming together for a few years when we met. They had some crazy arrangement until I came along. After a rough couple of months, she moved out of their place, and moved in with me.
We fell in love and decided nine months into the relationship to get married. It was a beautiful ceremony in Key West, Florida. As you know “gay†couples are not allowed to get legally married, but that didn’t stop me. I wanted to show her I loved her. So like every proud gay couple we forked out the bucks to perform a pseudo marriage. A certificate, a bottle of champagne, photos, and a two hour cruise at sunset. A notary performed the ceremony. We spend an enjoyable week in the Keys. It was a great experience.
If it weren’t for my wedding, I would have probably never found out about the world of transmen. There were a couple of girls staying in our hotel who told me I looked like an FTM. They explained that when a female transforms or transcends into a male, via hormone, surgeries or both, they’re called FTMs. I was curious and exited at the same time. Was there such a world? Was there hope for me yet? When we got home from our honeymoon, the research began, and boy did I learn. My skies opened up; for the first time in my life I felt hope. I can’t express in words the feeling that came over me, to see others like me right in front of my very eyes, thanks to the information highway, the internet. Why was this information not available to me at seventeen? Tears came rolling down my eyes, I wanted to scream, I wanted to shout. I was angry, happy and anxious all at the same time. I wanted this, and I wanted it now. I felt like I had been in a capsule for years, stuck in time, and all of a sudden I got out. Time is ticking, that is all I kept thinking. Had I been living under a rock? I wondered how I would be able to spring this on my family, clients, and friends. What, do I just come out and say it “I am going to become a manâ€? Right, I thought, then they’ll say, “Let’s bring out the white jacket and strap you up.”
Finally, I was making it right, and soon, I could make Violet my real wife. We could proudly present ourselves in society and walk with our heads high as Mr. and Mrs. Cummings. On Febuary 6th 2004, Violet and I went to the city court house and were married legally. It has been a roller coaster ride no doubt, but if I had to do it all again, I would. Violet and I have our differences as do many couples, but we have mastered the art of communication, we learn to give and take, to give each other space when needed. We aim not to allow jeolousy or the typical ownership feelings that trouble many relationships; after all you don’t just eat steak but have to eat a variety of food to get the proper nutrition you need. We have not cheated once, but we also have an understanding that if ever the need arises to be with someone else, we would be truthful and allow each the other freedom to do so.
Ever since I transitioned I have had this attraction towards men, something really odd, because prior to it, I had none. I think this happens to most tranmen and probably to transwomen as well. I think the hormonal changes also change one’s sexuality and preference.
Violet will always be a part of my life, after all we did exchange vows, till death do us part. We are best friends and sometimes feel we are the only family we have. I could not image life with out her, her unconditional love, tender smile and giving ways; she is my soul mate, and I thank God everyday for bringing her into my life.