So it’s already National Coming Out Day again, and this year I’ve been thinking that it’s unfair that only queers come out every year.
As many of you might realize, I try to think about something new I can come out about – own up to, admit in public, or to a few people close to me – every year. I don’t have a whole lot left, or at least I don’t at this point in my life. But there are two things in my life that have made me feel deeply dishonest over the past year or so. I’m not coming out here about them. But I will, I have decided, own both of them, and tell them to at least a few people who don’t know what they are yet.
And I will think a lot about what it has meant to be dishonest with most of the world about these things.
As with many queer people’s lives, sometimes there are really good reasons not to come out. Some days I think it’s miraculous that there are out LGBTQ people. But culturally we have put the burden on queer folks to do so, and the same kind of thoughtful process seems like it could be a valuable one to everyone.
I don’t mean, either, this bullshit about “coming out as a chocoholic”. I mean own something deeper, something that bothers you, something you lie to your relatives and loved ones about. But more importantly, it should be something you’ve been lying to yourself about. Because really, ultimately, that’s what coming out of the closet is for queer folks – it is not always “i’m here and queer and get used to it” but “i’m here and queer and i think i can live with that about myself”.
Maybe by next year I’ll tell you what my two things were. By next year, who knows? Maybe I’ll have written a book about them.
Finally: be gentle with yourself around anything like this you might confront. Dragons are dragons, and even when you acknowledge them, and know they’re there in the road, they still breathe fire.
Happy Coming Out Day.