A friend of mine, Jennifer Levenhagen, heard the news about Jason Collins and found herself happy – with reservations. Read on, in her own words:
A note from Queerlandia: Change is happening, but it’s not perfect, and it’s still frustrating.
In response to Jason Collins, and having dinner with my parents:
1) The Good News is that with all this talk about “gay this” and “gay that” in the media, from our President, other elected officials, etc….The word “Gay” is becoming more and more a positive or neutral word in our collective lexicon. (Hoorah!) As people increasingly include “Gay” in conversation — have conversations that INCLUDE “Gay” as a reality — it does, increasingly, become part of our collectively accepted social mores and culture.
For instance, tonight, over dinner, I heard both my parents say the word “gay” in neutral terms, regarding two different people: Jason Collins, and Daniel Hernandez, Jr.
2) Now here’s the frustrating part:
First, I am excited for the slow revolution that “Gay” is becoming more of a household word…but I am incredibly bored with our insistence on binary and our tendency to look at things mainly at surface-level. There are more people in this world than “Gay” and “Straight”. It doesn’t much matter who/what/where/when/why, but it DOES matter that we exist.Second, is that I’ve never heard my parents say “GLBTQ”. Ever. And I identify as the Q part, which they’ve known for 13 years. My mom watches Ellen and my dad came to PFLAG, but the most they say is Silence, and headlines from the news. Perhaps it has to do with that binary I just mentioned. My parents knew from the get-go, that “I’m not straight”, and they have since heard me identify as “Queer”, as I’ve made multiple attempts at starting discussion – filling them in on my life, and offering resources for them.
Maybe it still seems too confusing. Maybe my terms have rocked their boat too permanently. “Not straight” may be too vague, and “Queer” may be too volatile.In the end, though I was happily shocked to hear both my parents utter the word “Gay”, in a country where FINALLY there is more and more talk and consideration about “non-straight” lives…
I was still invisible at their table.
The discussion has skipped me.
I am their daughter, and I KNOW they Love me, but they discuss other people, instead of me – instead of us. I am not straight, but I am also not gay.
This is the literal table, but the same is true for the figurative.
We all have a place.
We should all be invited. We could have such an interesting conversation if we would genuinely see, listen, and be interested in each other; if we would practice this every day with every person.