FB Break

If you follow me on Facebook, I’m taking a break from that place for a while. I’m not sure yet if my blog will continue to post to my author page, but if it doesn’t, you’ll have to read me here.

As Betty White said: it’s just become an enormous waste of time, and frankly, contributes very little to my health, mental & otherwise.

Two Tune Tuesday: With Love from Daughter #3


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My father was a gentle man who lived a life of decency and took pleasure in simple things – music, food, family, & the Brooklyn Dodgers. He passed away suddenly yesterday morning at 83 years old after a tricky aorta surgery. He ate like he was 25, danced like he never might again, and quietly, simply, taught me everything I know about social justice.

Godspeed, Dad.

Life in Wisconsin, Pt. 4?

I’m not sure how many of these updates I’ve done, but here’s another!

This summer I’ve been spending most of my time reading, thinking, bicycling, and learning how to drive and cook. Weird, all of it, besides the reading & thinking parts.

There are times I find myself on a little path that’s actually called the Apple Creek Trail looking at the huge sky and the tiny finches and think, how the hell did this happen? Not in a bad way. It’s just a surprise, still, on a regular basis, and the more bucolic the scene, the more surprising.

I’ve been biking every day for a month now, & recently I’m up to at least 20 miles a day. I usually do that in two stints – an hour in the early afternoon & another 40 minutes around dusk – but it varies. I don’t really go anywhere in particular, but sometimes I stop at a picnic bench and read and/or write and/or smoke (yes, really!) for a while.

I’ve lost a little over 30 lbs. since I was first here in Winter 2008. Intentionally, and somewhat slowly.

Another day I’ll write more about the experience of teaching, of seeing the first students I knew as sophomores graduate, but for now, birds and clouds and fresh mushrooms from the weekly farmer’s market.

Bastille Day, 10 Years Later

It’s Bastille Day, the day of revenge against the worst excesses of bullies.

It’s also the day which started a long scourge of violence by the bullied; it’s a day that started a bloodletting of revenge, paranoia, & cruelty.

Still, it’s the day that the Marquis de Sade was freed – as one of only 7 prisoners – from the Bastille. (He was in prison for his debts, not his perversity.)

It also happens to be our 10th wedding anniversary. We’ll celebrate properly later this year, instead — for many reasons, none of them bad. This was our wedding cake the way it looked at the end of the night:

& Yes, in fact that is a guillotine on top of it, & yes there is a Barbie head, & a Ken head, both done up in perruques, & yes, there is blood, too. We’re goth like that. We have incredibly amazing memories of that day and that night of dancing and drinking and singing and performing and poetry reciting. There are so many of you whom we wish we had known at the time who would have loved it. We want to thank all of you who were there, especially, for your love & support that day as well over the years for our union, our love, & our marriage.

I am so glad that 10 years later, we would be able to marry in our current genders in our own home state and city of New York. That is about the coolest anniversary present this trans queer couple could have hoped for, to be honest.

Now go have some cake.

Author for Hire

For the next two months, I’m a freelancer again! So if you’ve thought about hiring me to read or edit your manuscript, or consult on transition or relationship or sexuality issues, or write something for you, now is the time.

Feel free to contact me for information, or to bounce an idea to see if I’d be willing: helenboyd(at)myhusbandbetty(dot)com.

Happy Graduation!

Today is Lawrence University’s Commencement, when several hundred seniors receive their degrees in tents set up on the main lawn of campus; faculty wear all their finery, and friends and family come to watch & celebrate. It’s a big day a crowning achievement, and for me, the first time I’m seeing a big group of students I’ve gotten to know over time graduate. I will no doubt get teary because I’m a sap like that. This is my 3rd in attendance.

The best news is that the one & only Russ Feingold is our commencement speaker, which is just too damn cool.

So congratulations, Lawrence seniors! Well done!

Keith Ablow Goes to Hell

Dr. Keith Ablow recently wrote  a piece about Chaz Bono that is hateful. I won’t link to it – fuck Fox News – but I did want to say something about it because Betty and I were on his show.

At the time, he was compassionate and even-tempered. I remember reading his articles about pedophiles and how sane & sensible he seemed about such a difficult topic — and which gave me the idea we would be treated even-handedly on his show. I was right. We were.

Apparently somewhere along the way, Ablow sold his soul to the devil. It’s a shame to see someone LCD* like this, but it won’t be the first or the last time I’ll see it. I don’t know what happens to people – they get just enough of a taste of celebrity that their humanity departs, maybe – but it’s always pathetic.

Ablow sold out, sold his soul.  I think that’s 7th Circle, right?

He’s not a quack. He is an actual doctor with actual credentials. But what I want to know what he thinks “do no harm” means these days and how, or why, he has switched from understanding people to judging them and condemning them. It is not an easy world for trans people – not even for trans people like Chaz Bono, for all his privilege. I don’t understand how anyone could make a decision and use a public pulpit to preach condemnation; the kind of language he uses, the lack of respect he shows, directly contributes to why trans people’s lives are as hard as they are.

I’m not sure I can even explain the depth of the betrayal I’m experiencing. Ablow was one of the good guys, or at least one of the guys who looked good when everyone else sucked so much. He should be deeply ashamed of what he’s written, and owes Chaz Bono – and the rest of the trans community – an apology.

Don’t hold your breath.