Helen Boyd Kramer's journal on gender and stuff
The good folks at Purdue (mainly Tom Mihail, who did all the legwork for my talk there) have put up some photos from my talk and a description of it as well.
I had a wonderful time there and am still planning on culling my journal some to describe the whole experience in more detail.
Kate Bornstein is an author, playwright and performance artist. Her latest book, Hello, Cruel World: 101 Alternatives to Suicide for Teens, Freaks, and Other Outlaws, came out last month. Kate’s published works include the books Gender Outlaw: On Men, Women and the Rest of Us; My Gender Workbook; and the cyber-romance-action novel, Nearly Roadkill, written with co-author Caitlin Sullivan. Kate’s plays and performance pieces include Strangers in Paradox, Hidden: A Gender, The Opposite Sex Is Neither, Virtually Yours, and y2kate: gender virus 2000. It was both a pleasure and an honor to get to speak with her.
1. I love that you mention in Hello, Cruel World how trans folk are separating themselves into “male” and “female” by using terms like MTF and the like, because I’ve noticed that those of us who are hot for trans folk seem to like the transness, not the ‘target gender’ (or really even the ‘birth gender’) alone. It’s the chaser’s dirty secret. Do you think trans people will start to enjoy being trans, sexually or otherwise?
There are lots of un-named, unclaimed desires that are free from the male/female gender system. Desire for sex with oneself is a sexual orientation in itself, and you can be any gender or no gender in order to have that desire. My former partner felt the most important component for his desire was that his partner be the same gender as him. When he was a woman, he was with women; when he was gender-exploring he was with someone who was also gender-exploring; now that he’s a man he’s with men. I think what you’ve got is an as-yet-un-named sexual orientation: the desire for sex and romance with someone who’s neither male nor female.
Give your desire for transness a name. Then, speak your desire loudly, and proudly and seductively. I think if people hear that, that you’d like them the way they are, they’d be more encouraged to live that place of neither/nor.
As to using terms like MTF/FTM – yeah, I’ve been complaining about that for years. In this new book, I’m just a little less patient about it. It’s amusing and humiliating to admit it, but I still work hard to pass in public. I’m an old fart, and that’s still important to me. Out in the world, I pass to avoid the shame and the danger. But intimately with friends, community, or our lovers? The not-passing is the dance of love. No need for male or female, what luxury!
1b. But I seem to upset some transsexual people when I recognize that Betty’s masculinity turns me on – even if it’s in addition to my being turned on by her femininity.
Upset them! When you go beyond either/or, people think you’re a radical, that you’re less safe because you’re less predictable. Speaking or writing down the truth of your desire unlocks the political and moral shackles of desire.
I’m not putting up any of the possible book cover photos – that would be cheating! – but there are some other shots that we took that I thought I’d share. Last time around media folks seemed to want photos of us together, so for publicity’s sake I had our photographer take some of us together.
It was a pretty nutty experience all around, and almost nothing like the shoot for the MHB cover. For starters, we already knew the photographer (she was our wedding photographer, actually) and she took my author headshots not long ago. It was all around less tense, with fewer wardrobe changes, and with no art director on hand. It seems important to point out that these are not the best of the lot; I’m saving those.
So there you go. Our next job is to pick our favorites that were shot for the cover & send them on to the design team at Seal. As soon as there’s a cover, I’ll be putting it up here so you can all get a look-see.
Today we went to our favorite photographer’s studio and took a bunch of photos – one of which will become the cover of She’s Not the Man I Married. I don’t have any previews just now – we’ll get some of the photos tomorrow – but it was a very interesting experience. Our favorite salon here in Brooklyn did hair and makeup, and quite wonderfully: even my flat, straight hair seemed like it had body. Betty looked truly beautiful.
At one point when we were nearly done, and Betty was still in the make-up chair, and a few other women were waiting around, the makeup artist said something (accidentally) about “Jason,” clearly indicating she was talking about the woman in her makeup chair, and I watched the double and triple takes on the parts of the awaiting ladies.
But I do want to confirm that Betty does not enjoy having her picture taken. The photographer and I had our work cut out for her us trying to get her to relax. Afterwards, when we were going to dinner, I laughed at how obviously physical her tension had been, because her jaw was in a different place than it has been for days.
Betty tried three outfits; I tried two. We’ll see: fingers crossed.
Jan B. is one of the people who started a trans group in Poughkeepsie called MHVTA. She’s been helping run the group since 2001, and I’ve known her for about that long. I used to call her “perpetual lurker Jan” on my very first yahoo support group, CDOD.
1) MHVTA is a nice group – how did you decide to start it? Do you have rules or guidelines, or are you making it up as you go?
Helen, thanks for the opportunity to answer these 5 questions. This is also a nice way to publicize our group so I want to start with a Shameless Plug:The Mid-Hudson Valley Transgender Association (MHVTA), a chapter of Renaissance, is a fairly new group. It was founded in May 2001 by Nikki and I. MHVTA serves the mid-Hudson Valley area of New York (the area north of New York City and south of Albany, from the Pennsylvania border on the west to Connecticut on the east). It’s an active group with regular monthly meetings near Poughkeepsie.
We were so frustrated that nothing was local. We had to travel forty to seventy miles to find a group, so someone said. “Well, just start it yourself (and they will come).” I had never been to a TG support group before but was pretty used to other types of support groups. We met in homes for four meetings and eventually found [an affordable] place to meet, with discreet off street parking.
It varies but there are around 20 dues-paying members who attend meetings. We have more than 100 members on our list server who are interested but don’t necessarily attend meetings. The membership requirements are that you are a TG interested to know more and we are open to the TG spectrum including family if they want to attend. We currently don’t invite admirers in but they sometimes sneak in when someone brings a friend. The members seem to appreciate the level of confidentiality and the one on one interviews pre visiting the group.
MHVTA’s principal mission is to provide outreach and support for our members, their families, their friends, and to be active in the Transgender Community and the greater community of the Mid-Hudson Valley, New York. MHVTA is a non-discriminatory group which is structured to allow participation by all those who support the transgender community. We respect and support the right of free and open expression and the right to be treated as equals by society. We focus on providing an understanding peer support network for anyone who would like to be a part of it and to assist others who wish to learn more about the Transgender community, acting as a Transgender advocate to other groups and institutions in the Mid-Hudson Valley area. We welcome new people with sensitivity towards their fears and concerns that accompany revealing themselves to others. MHVTA aims to accomplish this through: Regularly scheduled meetings, social events, and frequent and open communication. For more information, you can check MHVTA’s website.
You can also find an interview with some members of MHVTA at www.tgforum.com (but you can go directly to the article if you’re a subscriber).
Continue reading “Five Questions With… Jan B.”
Betty took this photo of me not too long ago, and the funny thing about it was that we accidentally got some nifty stuff in the background: the beige thing, far left is (1) a galley copy of Virginia Erhardt’s upcoming book Head Over Heels: Wives Who Stay with Crossdressers and Transsexuals (Haworth, Winter 2007); the reddish thing, taped to the wall is (2) mock-up of a groovy cover by our own Lucy & Mary, which unfortunately got rejected for being “too abstract” but which I really loved, and right behind my head, with white text, is (3) the current mock-up of the intended cover, but with a model who is not Betty.
Cynthia Majors was born and raised in Teaneck New Jersey. She graduated from Teaneck High School in 1970 and Bergen Community College with a BA in 1972. She and her wife Sharla were married in Sept of 1983 and still live in Teaneck. Cynthia has been a member of Chi Delta Mu Chapter of Tri-Ess for about 10 years and is now serving as President for the second time. Besides being an active amateur drag performer Cynthia is also a member of a Drag Performance group called Flavah which has been a regular in the NYC Pride Parade for the last several years . Their photos have appeared in the NY Daily News and the front page of AM New York. In addition Cynthia has been interviewed on both WPLJ and WINS Radio on several TG issues.
1) You were President of CDM and then you weren’t and now you are again: did you take a break or are you feeling reluctant about leading CDM?
To put it frankly, I took a break. I felt that I was getting in over my head because I was trying to do everything myself and it just wasn’t working. I had gone into being President with what I had thought were some very good ideas but when things didn’t work out the way I had hoped I became frustrated and I think it had a very adverse effect on how I handled myself and the group. When election time came around again I had no interest in continuing as President. Now. a little older and a lot wiser, I’ve opted to try it again for several reasons. First I now have a great team working with me. My wife Sharla is the Treasurer and Linda Mills is my VP. I’ve finally learned that things need to be delegated or you burn out-not an easy lesson for a Type A personality to take in.
Continue reading “Five Questions With… Cynthia Majors”
I took this photo in order to figure out my desk ergonomics, & it surprised me to see exactly how much of my life it reveals.
Starting at the upper right corner and going around clockwise, you can see: backup ream of HP paper on top of paper sorter stack; vintage lamp; large candle; my father’s old mahogany inbox; iPod (20 gig with black earbuds for subway safety); “Trans in the City” mug (a gift from the Hetrick-Martin Institute) of tea; scissors.
Center bottom: new underdesk keyboard drawer & old trackball mouse precipitously perched.
Starting at the bottom left corner: copy of Sims2 Nightlife on top of my computer tower & external hard drive; ashtray, cigarettes & matches; another inbox with articles I’m reading/using for the new book.
On the hutch, my bottles of painkillers, muscle relaxants, anti-depressants & allergy meds (so I remember to take them), a green page holder, Merriam-Webster’s Page-A-Day calendar, & the upper right corner of my new HP all in one printer.
On the top plane, above my monitor, the bottom edge of my Sandman “Still Life with Cats” poster with four postcards tucked into the frame: (1) Buster Keaton dining with an elephant; (2) postcard from the first Rufus Wainwright show I saw; (3) Our Mother of Sorrows 9/11 prayer card, and (4) Greta Garbo photo (the one the US postage stamp was drawn from).
If you look really close, you can also see that the monitor view is of the message boards, and in particular Lynne’s post about how to prevent CP and RSI, which is what caused me to take the photo in the first place.
(You can see a much larger version of the photo here.)
I took this the other night, and I’m quite pleased with myself for having taken a photo of Betty that Betty likes. It’s a rare deed. That and dang she’s cute.
Dr. Richard Docter is a clinical psychologist and gender researcher from Los Angeles with 20 years of experience in the transgender community. Together with Virginia Prince, he is co-author of the largest survey of cross dressers ever published. In 1988 he published the book Transvestites and Transsexuals. He continues to be a frequent contributor to transgender conventions throughout the nation.
1) Your Transvestites & Transsexuals was one of the only books (other than Mariette Pathy Allen’s Transformations) that actually mentioned spouses when I was looking for information nearly a decade ago. What encouraged you to include spouses?
< Dr. Richard Docter with Christine Jorgensen, 1987. (Photo by Mariette Pathy Allen.)
There were a number of published articles about the concerns of wives published prior to 1988. I was interested in the views of wives because important family dynamics are almost always affected by cross dressing. Few wives were totally rejecting, but few had worked out an accomodation that felt good for both. The wives who seem most interesting to me are people like you, Helen, who defy the societal view that all of this is sick, sick, sick. Instead, some wives, as you point out, not only put shame on the back burner, but find ways to enjoy the joy of cross dressing that means so much to their husband. I hope you will keep collecting their stories so they can be shared with both husbands and wives.
Continue reading “Five Questions With… Richard Docter”
