Today’s the day we blog for LGBT families!
Betty and I have had the good historical luck to be able to be legally married, but most LGBT families don’t have that right yet. Ironically, it was a lesbian friend who got so angry with me that I was taking part in an institution that she couldn’t that made me even more sure I had to have the legal rights that come with marriage: hospital visitation rights and decisions about all sorts of important life & death issues. The default of course would be family/parents, and I had no doubt that Betty’s folks would make unfortunate choices if they had to be made.
Like not recognizing her femininity, or her multiple selves, or her queerness.
The poor family of a transwomen who was murdered in Chicago have had to deal with that from the press, & the courts; but imagine how heart-breaking and disrespectful it would be if a partner didn’t have the right to insist on her partner’s chosen name and gender. It’s more than insult added to injury; it’s salt in a wound.
I’ve come to believe that it’s more important for LGBT people to have the legal rights afforded to heterosexual folks, because heterosexual relationships are already socially and culturally recognized; since LGBT relationships are just becoming visible, they especially need the legal recognition. I know that I am often “disappeared” as Betty’s partner whether she’s read as male (in which case “he” is assumed to be gay) or female (in which case she’s “too femme” to be read as a lesbian). That is, there’s too much misinformation and outright ignorance out there for LGBT couples to count on a kind soul or an educated person to give them the access and power they should have as a partner, but that’s what we have to depend on without legal rights.
Please support whatever local efforts to get LGBT people that right. It’s better for the couples, it’s better for the kids; it’s better for the whole of society.
Here’s a list of participating blogs, too.
Happy Memorial Day!
A very happy Memorial Day to you all, with especial good wishes to anyone who has lost a loved one in a war – current, recent, or past. (I was relieved to find out my own cousin quit the Navy, & so is no longer stationed in Iraq.)
I would personally like to thank my great uncle, who stormed the beaches at Normandy – because he kept so mum about it when he was alive that I only found out about his service after his death.
And since we often “remember” the dead of our wars, but not the post-traumatics and the permanently injured, a shout out to all of them too, for sacrificing a limb or their sanity for our sake.
Pope Maledict Rides Again
Apparently our current pope – who I prefer to call Pope Maledict – has called LGBT relationships “weak love.”
Sometimes I wish I could take people and shake them, or – as Jim Johnson of Straight, Not Narrow points out: to tell them to shut up when they don’t know what they’re talking about.
I could have never explained to anyone before Betty started presenting as female what it’s like to live in the world as an LGBT couple, and I thought I knew. I really did. Faghag for years, lesbian hangabout for years – but really, I didn’t know. Weak is not the word for it.
There is some good news, though – the religious left is on the rise. (Where have you guys been?)
Upcoming Blog for LGBT Families Day
Mombian has had the clever idea to start an LGBT Families Day, and I wanted people to know about it before it came and went.
On June 1st, blog about your LGBT family, or blog about why LGBT families rock, or why they should have more legal rights, or whatever pertains to the subject that you need to say.
HRC has it up on their site, too.
I’d also like to point out our own little clearinghouse of information for parents who are trans.
You can get more information at Mombian’s blog post about it, and do make sure they know you’re in on it!
No "Them" Or "Us"
STRAIGHT RIGHTS UPDATE: I’ve been running around with my hair on fire trying to convince my straight readers that religious conservatives don’t just hate homos. Their attacks on gay people, relationships, parents, and sex get all the press, but the American Taliban has an anti-straight-rights agenda too. As I wrote on March 23: “The GOP’s message to straight Americans: If you have sex, we want it to fuck up your lives as much as possible. No birth control, no emergency contraception, no abortion services, no lifesaving vaccines. If you get pregnant, tough shit. You’re going to have those babies, ladies, and you’re going to make those child-support payments, gentlemen. And if you get HPV and it leads to cervical cancer, well, that’s too bad. Have a nice funeral, slut.â€
After raising the alarm for months back here in the sex ads section, I was intensely gratified to read Russell Shorto’s brilliant cover story, “The War on Contraception,†in the New York Times Magazine last weekend. To readers who think I’m being hysterical: So you don’t think the religious right would seriously go after birth control? Fine, don’t believe me. But maybe you’ll believe Shorto when he lays out the American Taliban’s plan to deny access to birth control—any and all types, folks, not just emergency contraception.
“In particular, and not to put too fine a point on it, they want to change the way Americans have sex,†Shorto writes. “Contraception, by [their] logic,†Shorto continues, “encourages sexual promiscuity, sexual deviance (like homosexuality), and a preoccupation with sex that is unhealthful even within marriage.†Shorto quotes Judie Brown, president of the American Life League: “We see a direct connection between the practice of contraception and the practice of abortion. The mind-set that invites a couple to use contraception is an antichild mind-set. So when a baby is conceived accidentally, the couple already have this negative attitude toward the child. Therefore seeking an abortion is a natural outcome. We oppose all forms of contraception.†And there’s this from R. Albert Mohler Jr., president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary: “I cannot imagine any development in human history, after the Fall, that has had a greater impact on human beings than the pill… Prior to it, every time a couple had sex, there was a good chance of pregnancy. Once that is removed, the entire horizon of the sexual act changes. I think there could be no question that the pill gave incredible license to everything from adultery and affairs to premarital sex and within marriage to a separation of the sex act and procreation.â€
I’ll say it again, breeders: The American Taliban is not just opposed to straight premarital sex, with their abstinence education and hilariously ineffective virginity pledges, or gay sex, with their “ex-gay†campaigns and their anti-gay-marriage amendments. The American Taliban doesn’t think married heterosexual couples should be able to use birth control. If you care about your own freedom—not just your right to have premarital sex, but your right to decide whether, when, and how many children you’re going to have—you need to read “The War on Contraception.†And don’t comfort yourself with the notion that these are just some antisex religious wackos: The Bush administration not only listens to these wackos, it appoints them to important positions all over the federal government—and let’s not even think about the members of the American Taliban that Bush has already appointed to lifetime positions in the federal judiciary.
This is some serious shit, breeders. You’re being attacked. It’s time to fight back.
Copyright Dan Savage. Thanks to JoanieC for calling it to my attention.
Dyke TV ED – and other remarkable women
Tonight Betty & I went to a party for a friend of ours who recently became ED for Dyke-TV, which is a non-profit media outlet. As she pointed out, it’s one of a dying breed.
Cynthia is the one who threw the successful fundraiser for SRLP last summer. She’s a smart, funny person who has always welcomed us as the odd queer couple we are.
Tonight, she threw a fundraiser for Dyke TV instead of just having a birthday party for herself. She got local stores to throw in raffle prizes, asked for checks, & a cover charge – and all in all, I bet she made a nice sum for her org.
What struck me – and pardon me after three glasses of wine – was how freaking cool people can be. We met interesting people, said hello to others we already know – like Red & her girlfriend – and while I was talking to a Drag King who was telling me about some women in her beauty school classes, I sat there & wondered: why is it I’m queer? It’s not because I fell in love with Betty; I was queer long before then. I wonder sometimes, if I were growing up now, what I would be like, if I would be any different than I am, but sometimes, just sometimes, I find it unfortunate that I always liked having sex with guys.
And yes, I still do. Makes me feel like a traitor in such lovely lesbian/queer spaces. And yet, more & more, I’m aware that I fit there, despite my sexual orientation; I fit there even without Betty on my arm. (& Any of you have met Betty know she isn’t on my arm for long at a party; sometimes I have a hard time finding her, she’s flirting with so many people at once.)
But: yes. I guess I just wanted to let someone know that Cynthia is one damned cool woman who threw a great party she could have thrown for herself – but didn’t.
They Kill Horses, Don't They?
It’s come to my attention that people who use Premarin may not be aware that they are directly causing the slaughter of mares and fillies. I thought this information was well-known by now, but apparently not.
Since Premarin is created from the urine of pregnant mares, these horses are now created for the sole purpose of harvesting their urine. They’re forced to stand their entire lives in narrow stalls, get little to no exercise, and don’t get as much water as they want. Then, after they’re too old to get pregnant, or too sore to keep standing, they’re slaughtered.
It’s inhumane.
It’s especially brutal considering that the same hormones can be created using plant hormones.
So go right back to your doctor who gave you the prescription for Premain, and ask for one of these instead:
* Cenestin
* Estrace
* Estraderm
* Ogen
* OrthoEst
* Estratab
* Menest
* Estinyl
* Estrovirus
* OrthoDienestrol
* Tace
For more information, you can read the PMURescue.org site. They’ll even give you a pin to wear if you switch.
4/24/06 = #16
NCTE’s 52 Things You Can Do for Transgender Equality:
#16 Hold a Pride Event in your community.
Heteronormativity
Much to my chagrin, Kiss of Athena discovered people were blogging against heteronormativity this past Saturday.
Better late than never, I guess.
You can read more about why at this blog, blac(k) academic.
4/10/06 = #15
NCTE’s 52 Things You Can Do for Transgender Equality:
#15 Preach or speak at a local community of faith, such as a synagogue, church or mosque.