Category: s.e.x.

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Chemistry

Guilty confession: I like porn, & always have. So can I, um, recommend some? I don’t watch much, but I just got around to watching some of Tristan Taormino’s Chemistry Volume I, and damn. It’s seven porn stars, in a house, for 36 hours, unscripted. She interviews them throughout, about scenes they did, scenes they want to do… and for anyone who likes porn, it’s a cool “behind the scenes” but with plenty of actual porn, too.

She’s also got some how-to videos out: so far, cunnilingus & anal (of course), but I haven’t watched those yet – maybe after we put in the AC.

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No Kissing in Public

One of our mHB board regulars recently mentioned kissing her wife while at a conference, and I was reminded that I wanted to post something about kissing Betty at trans conferences.

The thing is, I’m not comfortable kissing her in trans spaces, often.

I noticed that I wasn’t while we were at IFGE, most likely because we were at DO the weekend before. But the thing is, DO has some queer folks, and some trans, but mostly hetero BDSM people and swingers and pagans and polyamorous people. That is, there’s no reason *except* a sex-positive atmosphere that should make DO as welcoming to a dykey + trans couple like ourselves, but we are.

& The thing is: there is *every* reason in the world a trans space should feel welcoming & safe to a dykey + trans couple, but it isn’t. & That, I think, is exactly what can be so wrong about trans spaces.

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Not Tonight, Dear

One woman has a low libido, & comes to raging conclusions about how most women do, too. (sigh)

For the record, for most of the couples who have attended my “Uneven Libidos” workshop (which I do exclusively at Dark Odyssey), just the opposite is true: more of the guys complain about having the lower libido. & I just wonder – since the one thing I would say is different about DO than about any other grouping of people talking about sex – if the difference depends very much on exactly how much experimentation the woman has done viz her own sexuality, that is, if she’s gone to any great lengths – & I mean great lengths – to find out what exactly turns her on.

Because I think there are still taboos in place, sometimes not even the ones from outside of us, the culture & our religions & our laws, even, but rather the ones that are inside. From where I’m standing, a lot of those internal taboos are about being correctly gendered in terms of our desires.

But one thing I’m clear about: what the world needs now is not another book about how women’s low libidos are natural, or that they’re low because women are women.

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Rachel Kramer Bussel’s She’s on Top

shesontop I’ve been reading the stories in Rachel Kramer Bussel‘s She’s on Top: Erotic Stories of Female Dominance and Male Submission, and quite a few times I had moments while reading when I got really excited: I mean, a whole book dedicated to women demanding and getting the orgasms they wanted! If that isn’t exciting, I don’t know what is.

I suppose I don’t have to point out to my readers that the subtitle makes it clear that we’re dealing with binary gender only. This isn’t Fictionmania. It’s not intended for trans readers per se but what erotica is? There is some genderfuck in it, specifically a story called “Why Can’t I Be You?”. The women on top are all dominating men, most of whom seemed to have heartily throbbing parts.

I don’t say that like it’s a bad thing, because I can’t bring myself to disagree with the notion that A Hard Man is Good to Find. Still, I did get a little tired of all the hard cocks and longed for a story about a guy who was turned on but who couldn’t get it up, or a woman who was so demanding her man lost an erection from performance anxiety – something a little more problematic, or romantic, or embarrassingly funny, even, the way good sex so often is.

But of course erotica can still be sexy even when there are only binary genders involved and even when the strap-ons don’t strap-off. (Imagine!) It was just funny to notice that I’ve become used to more queer, more genderfuck’d, and more extreme kinds of hotness these days. Occasionally even Wile E. Coyote looks back at the cliff he’s just run off, no?

Each of these stories is about a different woman and by a different author, and often it was their brevity that was refreshing, because they did what porn should do: painted the scene & planted the suggestion while letting your own dirty little mind fill in the details. But for those of you who like strong women in heels and hose who know how to give orders – and I know you’re out there! – this book is a long-awaited companion, and highly recommended.

There is one story especially some of you might like – dominance in period clothes, you might call it, but the author called it “Victoria’s Hand,” & it’s intense, playful, sexy, and while historically inaccurate in its terminology, it’s close enough to do the trick. It was hard not to think of Betty having played Algernon in Wilde’s The Importance of Being Earnest while I read it.
Continue reading “Rachel Kramer Bussel’s She’s on Top”

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Next Time No Strings, Please

Another governor – this time Governor Strickland of Ohio – has given the Feds back the abstinence-only strings-attached sex education money.

That’s six states now, & the fifth (Wisconsin) only refused the impractical funding a few weeks ago.

So now there’s the other 44 to work on. Write your governor and tell him to return funding that denies a state the right to teach sex education in the way that we decide is most appropriate for our kids.

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Cycles

A recent Washington Post article about a book called Cycle Savvy: The Smart Teen’s Guide to the Mysteries of Her Body, discusses the debate going on as to whether or not teenagers should know anything about when they’re more or less likely to become pregnant. Charting your cycles is intricate work that requires diligence, & for that reason alone some people think it’s not a good idea, “since a little information is a dangerous thing,” according to one woman who ended up pregnant as a result of screwing up her own chart-keeping.

I’d argue there might be teens who are more diligent – or maybe even brighter – than her.

But the usual suspects chime in about how sex information only ever encourages girls to have sex. A spokesperson for Concerned Women for America proffers “high ideals,” instead.

Come now: doesn’t that sound like “keep your knees together” all over again?

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Giving It Back

Wisconsin Governor Jim Doyle told the Feds to keep their money if the only education it can fund is abstinence-only.

Wisconsin has received the federal funding since 1997, but new guidelines tying the money to abstinence-only education programs were implemented this year. These guidelines include that students be taught that sexual activity outside of marriage could have harmful physical and psychological effects and that students receive no information about contraception or sexually transmitted diseases and infections.

How much does he rock?!

Four other states have already rejected this strings-attached financing: California, Maine, New Jersey and Pennsylvania.