Category: s.e.x.

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Ruined

There are times I wonder – if Betty and I ever did split up – if I could ever date regular guys again. I’m not sure I could take it, but I’m not sure what would be the hardest to deal with: the male privelege, or fitting myself into the ‘girlfriend’ box again, or just being with someone with only one gender.
But if I didn’t date guys I don’t know who I would date; it’s at times like this it’d be useful to be bisexual. I honestly don’t think I could ever date a crossdresser again because of the slippery slope. I wouldn’t have the first clue how to date women raised female-type women.
Ultimately it’s a damn good thing there is no break-up on our horizon, eh? I’ve been ruined for dating. I used to joke about being Betty-sexual but apparently that was one truth initially said in jest.

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Messier Bedroom

Last April, sex columnist Josey Vogels forwarded me a letter from a 21 year old women who was turned on by her boyfriend dressing in women’s clothes, and I got a shot (for a day) at being a sex advice columnist.
It turns out the same woman recently wrote to Josey to thank her for the advice:
“Last year I wrote to you, worried about my sexuality because the only time I had ever orgasmed with a guy was while my boyfriend was dressed as a french maid. You offered advice on a couple of possibilities that didn’t involve me necessarily being gay. Through a little experimenting we found that yes I do think my guy is really sexy when he’s my girl. Part of it is that it’s kind of sweet that he would do it to indulge me, part of it is he makes love entirely differently when he is wearing panties. We’ve started channeling that into our regular sex and I am now glad to say that he gets me off regularly even without the lingerie. I figured once that happened we had seen the last of the dressing but for Valentines day (which we celebrated last weekend) he rented a red maid’s dress and waited on me hand,foot and other areas too. It was so sweet. Just wanted to say thanks for saving my love life.”
And I’m just pleased as punch! See? There *are* women out there for whom crossdressed men is a genuine turn-on. Keep looking, CDs – you never know when you might find one.
I’m also really pleased because after my recent Trans Sex and Identity workshop at TIC, someone who’d caught the workshop told me that he and his partner had great sex as a result of what I’d talked about. There really isn’t a better feeling in the world than hearing something like that.

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Five Questions With… Renee Reyes

Renee Reyes is the webmistress of www.reneereyes.com, a huge site where t-girls of all stripes have found information over the years. She is a strong believer in the commonality of experience of all kinds of transfolk, from crossdressers to transsexuals. She lives in Atlanta, Georgia.
renee reyes
< Renee Reyes
1. As far as I can tell, we’re rare in talking about admirers. Why do you think so many trans sites avoid the subject?
I’d say there are a couple of reasons. First, the large majority of gender-related web sites are hosted by girls whose feminine existence is still a very limited affair. In terms of sheer hours these gals have little time to fully consider their sexuality as precious femme time is wrapped up in improving their appearance. Attraction to others is limited to other transgenders & females. Alas, the sometimes crude approaches from neophyte male admirers aggravate the situation.
Admirers are an important segment of the gender community. They provide beauty affirmation and serve as healthy outlets for relationships. Like the girls…most admirers didn’t necessarily choose to find transgenders highly appealing. Nature just wired them that way.
Gays weren’t initially very accepting of transgenders. Admirers suffer the same sort of fate. We’ll get there.
Continue reading “Five Questions With… Renee Reyes”

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Exhausted

First: If anyone who was at TIC (who we met or didn’t meet) has any requests for resources, you can 1) use the search box at the upper right, or 2) email me.
I don’t know if I’m getting old or what, but every time I get back from a conference I feel a little more tired than I did the previous time. This TIC was a great conference – a good collection of people, interesting workshops, familiar faces.
As it was last year, working with Jill Barkley was a real pleasure; this year, we ran a pretty intense trans relationships workshop, which was not just transgender but trans-generational. We both ran trans partners workshops the previous day, right before which I did my trans sex and identity workshop – which is always a pleasure to do, and always slightly different than the way I did it before. I’ve been asked more than once now if I have a copy of that workshop on DVD, so I’m going to figure out how to do that so I can make it available. (Once I shake off this sleepy, sleepy feeling, that is.)
It probably didn’t help that we went right from the 6 hour drive home with DJ and Lizzy to Tristan’s House of Ass party, but we did get *great* goody bags (supplied by Babeland.com, if that gives you a hint)!

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"It is NOT normal for a person to have no sexual desire."

I found a few articles tonight about low male libido and low sex marriages and – for once! – some comments from wives who are living with husbands who have little to no interest in sex.
I thought this would be useful for all the wives out there who write to me about how their husbands never seduce them, who feel ugly or fat or rejected or not feminine enough because of it. We tend in the TG community to “blame” the transness for this stuff, but ladies – it’s not the transness. When you read these letters from wives, you’ll understand what I mean: they sound so much like yours.
There’s a list of possible causes for male low libido here.
There’s also some good advice for both people in a relationship plagued with low libido, but this one was the most appropriate, I thought, for the wives of CD/TGs.

Don’t blame yourself for his low libido. It has nothing to do with the way you look, or how much you weigh, or your sexual performance, etc.

…or how feminine you are or aren’t, I’d add. Words to live by, yes?

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Dark Odyssey (#4) – Winter Fire

Betty and I are once again attending Dark Odyssey: Winter Fire, and we’re excited – as usual.
If you haven’t registered yet, there’s still time, & they’ve now also introduced an ‘everything but’ pass so that if you have other plans for New Year’s Eve, you can still come to classes and workshops and use the playspaces on the other nights and days.
For more information, you can check the thread where we’ve talked about it on the boards, or check the Dark Odyssey website.

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Let's (Not) Have Sex?

It’s a funny thing to be envying a couple who haven’t had sex since 1986.
But upon reading a recent interview with Meredith (nee Wally) and Lynne Bacon, I can’t help envying them. It would be so much easier to make it through transition if sexuality were already out of the picture. And while I admit that I have no idea if the lack of sex Meredith and Lynne had before Meredith’s transition is a complicated story (my guess is that it is), settling into a platonic though perhaps romantic friendship with your former husband could be nice.
Some say it’s age, but it’s not. I’ve met older partners of transition for whom sex is just as important as it is to a 25 year old (and a horny 25 year old, to boot).
(I really do dread menopause.)
Of course I also have this niggling thought that I first had when Jenny Finney Boylan & her wife Deirdre were on Oprah: that when they want to hear about transsexualism, they talk to a transsexual (which makes sense), but when they want to know about the relationship, and the wife’s feelings, they still talk to the transsexual (but include her wife in the interview). Now why is that, do you think?
Or is it that they prefer to interview couples who say they don’t have sex, and who aren’t going to say words like queer on television? Dunno. Sometimes, looking at the long-suffering wife scenario, I figure that I’m just not what they’re looking for.