Category: whimsy

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The Blog Has Been Upgraded

Hey campers, I just spent a while upgrading the blog and hopefully everything will be groovy and happy.

But… if it isn’t. Let me know via this post.

Update 01: You will have to login again as the whole password/security system has been changed. Fun! Not. Sorry.

Thanks!

Betty

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Kind Sirs

The most amusing piece of email I’ve gotten this week about the financial crisis:

Subject: CONFIDENTIAL FINANCIAL TRANSACTION:

MY DEAR AMERICAN FRIEND:

I AM NEEDING TO ASK YOU TO SUPPORT AN URGENT SECRET BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP WITH A TRANSFER OF FUNDS OF GREAT MAGNITUDE.

I AM MINISTRY OF THE TREASURY OF THE REPUBLIC OF AMERICA. MY COUNTRY HAS HAD CRISIS THAT HAS CAUSED NEED FOR LARGE TRANSFER OF FUNDS OF 700 BILLION OF YOUR DOLLARS (US). IF YOU WOULD ASSIST ME IN THIS TRANSFER IT WOULD BE MOST PROFITABLE TO YOU.

I AM WORKING WITH HIGHLY REPUTABLE MR. PHIL GRAM, LOBBYIST FOR UBS, WHO WILL BE MY REPLACEMENT AS MINISTRY OF THE TREASURY IN JANUARY IF MY POLITICAL PARTY WINS UPCOMING ELECTION, WHICH WE CERTAINLY WILL BECAUSE WE ARE IN CONTROLING OF THE HIGHEST SUPREME COURT. YOU MAY REMEMBER HIM AS A SENATOR AS LEADER OF THE AMERICAN BANKING DEREGULATION MOVEMENT IN THE 1990S.

THIS TRANSACTIN IS 100% SAFE. YOU MUST TRUST ME COMPLETELY AND NOT ASK QUESTIONS ABOUT THE TRANSACTION. YOU HAVE MY WORD NO ONE WILL DO ANYTHING WRONG WITH THE MONEY.

THIS IS A MATTER OF GREAT URGENCY. WE NEED YOUR BLANK CHECK. WE NEED THE FUNDS AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE. WE CANNOT DIRECTLY TRANSFER THESE FUNDS IN THE NAMES OF OUR CLOSE FRIENDS BECAUSE WE ARE CONSTANTLY UNDER SURVEILLANCE. MY FAMILY LAWYER ADVISED ME THAT I SHOULD LOOK FOR A RELIABLE AND TRUSTWORTH PERSONAGE WHO WILL ACT AS A NEXT OF KIN SO THE FUNDS CAN BE TRANSFERRED. YOU ARE THAT PERSONAGE.

PLEASE REPLY WITH ALL OF YOUR BANK ACCOUNT, IRA AND COLLEGE FUND ACCOUNT NUMBERS AND THOSE OF YOUR CHILDREN, GRANDCHILDREN AND THOSE YET UNBORN TO WALLSTREETBAILOUT@TREASURY.GOV SO THAT WE MAY TRANSFER YOUR COMMISSION FOR THIS TRANSACTION. AFTER I RECEIVE THIS INFORMATION I WILL RESPOND WITH DETAILED INFORMATION ABOUT SAFEGUARDS WE PROMISE WILL BE USED TO PROTECT THE FUNDS AND PRODUCE A LONG-TERM RETURN ON INVESTMENT FOR YOU AND THOSE YOU LOVE.

YOURS FAITHFULLY
MINISTER OF TREASURY H. PAULSON

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20/20 Hindsight

If we had given a damn about the people who couldn’t pay their mortgages & were being foreclosed upon, and had figured out a way to help them keep their homes, would we be in this mess now?

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naked.

DO is upcoming, and so I’ve been wondering: why do I so hate being naked in front of people?

I went to a workshop at a DO summer camp about getting in touch with your body, and you’re meant to sit there naked, and talk about stuff, like what you like about your body, what you hate, problems your body brings you, & pleasures.

& I did it, at long last, only after stripping down piece by piece. A little at a time. Iit was when Ii was at my thinnest (which means it was fall 2006), and now, 20 lbs heavier, I’m thinking I should try that workshop again.

Because there are always people at DO who are fatter, hairier, older; more scarred, more beautiful, thinner, more hairless, with better or worse skin than me. Even if I were judging, which is not my style, I’d still end up somewhere in the middle – not the best, not the worst.

& Then I feel like such a shallow idiot. Because there are people with all sorts of bodies out there – scarred, people who have lost limbs, people with chronic medical conditions, etc. – and really I have a pretty healthy body, all told.

So what is it?

What annoys me most is that plenty of people are not comfortable naked & they’re perfectly okay with being uncomfortable being naked. Others are happy naked and okay with that. Me, I’m not okay with not being okay. *sigh*