Helen Boyd Kramer's journal on gender and stuff
They were one of my favorite bands:
I finally got to see them live, too, many, many, many years after I’d memorized all the lyrics to all their songs, & Marc gave me a hug after.
You can watch for about 15 minutes before you work out why I loved them: sleaze, eyeliner, & camp.
I don’t know (or care, really) who Tom Daley is, but here’s the thing: all day they’ve been saying he’s gay, when he says he “still fancies girls” but is happy to be in a relationship currently with a man. To me that means he’s bisexual, or pansexual, or has another word for himself, but “gay” isn’t it.
He never uses the word gay in his video (or homosexual, or any synonym for either).
So, yeah. This is why people don’t think bi people exist – because when they do come out, even if they clearly do not call themselves gay, everyone assumes they’re gay.
It tires me, the way gayness eclipses any other possible sexuality. Cranky queer het that I am.
This is the kind of thing I find myself teaching, or referring to, because I teach things that touch on the history of sexuality and on LGBTQ issues. It’s very hard to get across what it was like to younger people who grew up in an era when people lived long, full, otherwise healthy lives despite AIDS. But now it’s gotten to the point where unprotected anal sex is on the rise, again, which means the rates of infection are going up (again).
I have covered wars, before the epidemic began and since. They are all ugly and painful and unjust, but for me, nothing has matched the dread I felt while walking through the Castro, the Village, or Dupont Circle at the height of the AIDS epidemic. It could seem as if a neutron bomb had exploded: the buildings stood; cars were parked along the roadside; there were newsstands and shops and planes flying overhead. But the people on the street were dying. The Castro was lined with thirty-year-old men who walked, when they could, with canes or by leaning on the arms of their slightly healthier lovers and friends. Wheelchairs filled the sidewalks. San Francisco had become a city of cadavers.
& Honestly, we can do better than that.
It’s World AIDS Day. Get tested, play safe.
I can’t really say how much I love this.
(via Gawker)
Happy Thanksgiving from the 1929 Macy’s parade! (That’s Captain Nemo.)
(It’s so early this year!)
So here’s a clearly stated article on some of the vagaries of non monogamous relationships, what forms they might take, how they are interpreted in gay and straight relationships, why non monogamy and polyamory aren’t “cheating”, what the difference is between an open relationship and a poly one.
But here’s what I love the most about this one:
Whenever the topic of non-monogamy comes up there are inevitably comments about these sorts of relationships failing. The truth is, non-monogamous relationships fail all the time.
The bigger picture however, is that relationships fail all the time, full stop.
Oh, right. That. & From where I’m standing, there is a lot, a lot a lot a lot, of wreckage around transition. I often wonder how many partnerships might have continued if there had been a little room – say, for a lesbian wife of a trans guy to have a girlfriend, too, because she still loves the guy she met who transitioned but misses having an intimate, trusting relationship with a woman, too.
The more I read about ace (asexuality), the more these kinds of relationships might make sense too.
I had a poly friend once say to me that his feelings about monogamy are kind of like Gandhi’s about western civilization. I’m sure you all know the story: Gandhi was asked what he thought of western civ, and he said, “I think it would be a very good idea.” The problem with monogamy, he explained, is that all sorts of people think they’re in monogamous relationships who aren’t.
As I have before, I’ll once again recommend Tristan Taormino’s Opening Up.
In 1963, Bruce McAllister, a 16 year old high school student, decided his teachers were full of it when it came to symbolism in novels. So he wrote a bunch of authors and asked if they intentionally planted symbolism in their work.
Here’s what they said:
Jack Kerouac: “No.”
Isaac Asimov: “Consciously? Heavens, no! Unconsciously? How can one avoid it?”
Ray Bradbury: “No, I never consciously place symbolism in my writing. That would be a self-conscious exercise and self-consciousness is defeating to any creative act. Better to let the subconscious do the work for you, and get out of the way. The best symbolism is always unsuspected and natural.”
John Updike: “Yes—I have no method; there is no method in writing fiction; you don’t seem to understand.”
Norman Mailer: “I’m not sure it’s a good idea for a working novelist to concern himself too much with the technical aspects of the matter. Generally, the best symbols in a novel are those you become aware of only after you finish the work.”
Ralph Ellison: “Symbolism arises out of action…Once a writer is conscious of the implicit symbolism which arises in the course of a narrative, he may take advantage of them and manipulate them consciously as a further resource of his art. Symbols which are imposed upon fiction from the outside tend to leave the reader dissatisfied by making him aware that something extraneous is added.”
He also asked Continue reading “Author’s Authority”
Now, , Steubenville City Schools Superintendent Michael McVey has been “charged with tampering with evidence, obstruction of justice and falsification.” Also charged: elementary school principal Lynette Gorman, for alleged failure to report child abuse; wrestling coach Seth Fluharty, for alleged failure to report child abuse; and volunteer football coach Matthew Bellardine, “who faces charges allowing underage drinking, obstructing official business, falsification, and contributing to the delinquency of a minor.”
Wow. Actual people being held accountable. What a breath of fresh air.
Hello there.
For the third year in a row, we are doing THE DECEMBER PROJECT. The plan is simple. If you are trans– or if you love some one who is trans– and you need a friendly voice, email us and we will call you on the phone.
We began this project in 2011. I was thinking that year how hard the holidays can be for people– but they can be especially hard for trans people and their families. Charles Dickens had it right when, in the CHRISTMAS CAROL, he suggested that it’s Christmas, not Halloween, that’s the most haunted of holidays. Our memories are heightened at this time of year– we think back to our childhood, to our many struggles. For some of us it’s a time when we’re acutely aware of how cut off we are from those we love. The world is full of transgender people who are unable to see their children, their parents, their loved ones, all because of the simple fact of who they are.
We cannot undo all the hurt in the world. But what we can do is CALL YOU ON THE PHONE and remind you that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You don’t have to be in crisis to take advantage of this project. All you have to do is want a friendly voice.
The project is run by four people– Jennifer Finney Boylan, national co-chair of GLAAD; Mara Keisling, director of the National Center for Transgender Equality; Dylan Scholinski, director of Sent(a)mental Studios, and Helen Boyd, Professor at Lawrence University. We are two trans women, a trans man, and a spouse of a trans woman. Between the four of us, we have heard many different kinds of trans narratives. If we can help you, we would be glad to do so.
How do you get us to call you? By emailing jb@jenniferboylan.net. I’ll use that email as the central mailbox; if you have a particular preference to talk to one or the other of us, let me know– although I can’t guarantee that you’ll always here from the person you request. Also please tell us the time of day and the date you’d be free for a call; you might want to give us a couple of options. And of course, tell us your phone number. WE WILL KEEP YOUR CONTACT INFORMATION ABSOLUTELY CONFIDENTIAL.
We will start with calls on December 1, and keep this going until New Years.
Sound good? I hope so. We hope we can help, even if just a little.
Three other caveats I should mention at the end here:
1) First, no one in the December Project gets a dime out of it. This is a shoestring operation, largely consisting of four people trading phone numbers. If you want to support our causes, you can let us know, and we’ll tell you how to give. But this is not about that.
2) If you are in serious crisis, please bypass us and go directly to the national suicide prevention lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 WE ARE NOT TRAINED AS THERAPISTS or as counselors for individuals in crisis. If you need something more serious than a “friendly voice,’ please call the lifeline.
3) For the moment we are content with this project consisting of the four of us; in past years, we have been a little overwhelmed (and yes, deeply touched) by the many, many of you who have wanted to join us. While we thank you for your grace and your love, it’s also overwhelming for us to sort through the requests; we hope you’ll understand if we ask that folks writing us be primarily those who want a call. There are many ways you can get involved in your own community, and we heartily encourage everyone who wants to spread some love around to do so in their own way, starting right at home.
Thanks so much! Wishing you all the best for a positive, hopeful, loving holiday season!
Sincerely,
Jennifer Finney Boylan, on behalf of the December Project
and all I have to add is: what she said.
