How (Not) To Be An Ally

My patience for snark is really, really low these days, but I still found some of the gems in “8 Ways Not To Be An “Ally”: A Non-Comprehensive List” pretty useful.

But I’m still going to re-articulate them for those who don’t understand irony. I’ve put her comments in italics, and tried to articulate in my earnest, non-snarky way, why this list is so vital. I’ve also added one of my own.

1. Assume one act of solidarity makes you an ally forever means fighting oppression is an ongoing, day to day struggle that doesn’t come with much resolution if any. One day the world is not going to just be better. Which means that you, as an ally, need to keep doing whatever work you do to minimize racism, sexism, homphobia, etc.

2. Make everything about your feelings, or, it’s not about you. The best way to go about this is to shut up and listen. That’s all. Stop talking so much. Listen. Pretend you don’t have an opinion and that other people’s lived experiences are actually as valid as your own. It’s a nutty idea, I know, but it’s true. People who live with marginalization are often – shocker! – at least as smart as you, if not smarter.

3.  Date ’em all will not, in any way, make you an ally automatically. In fact, it could instead mean that you’re a fetishizing, exploitive, clueless jerk. (Trans admirers take special note here, please.)

4. Don’t see race/gender/disability/etc. is a good way of eliminating someone’s identity and specifically an identity which – because of the sexist, racist, transphobic, ablesist culture we live in, tends to essentialize a person due to that marginalization. Not seeing that aspect of them is belittling and really only lets you off the hook, free from your white liberal guilt. That is, it does nothing for people who are marginalized, but everything for people who aren’t.

5. Don’t try any harder, or, try until you succeed, not just until your white liberal guilt is assuaged. See above. Continue reading “How (Not) To Be An Ally”

Five Questions With… Joy Ladin

I had the chance recently to ask Joy Ladin, the author of Through the Door of Life: A Jewish Journey Between Genders, a few questions. What followed was a conversation about transition, marriage, separation, spirituality and religion.

1)      I was a little surprised that there wasn’t more about theology, and specifically Judaism, in your story. Is there a reason you shied away from addressing the issue of transness & religion head on?

I don’t feel I shied away from talking about transness and religion; I talk quite directly about how Judaism, particularly the Torah, and Jewish communal norms, affected my sense of my gender identity when I was growing up, and the course of my transition after. But my intention in the book was to talk about trans identity and its consequences in very personal terms, rather than to reflect about general issues. As I say in the book, I grew up in a family that barely practiced Judaism; being Jewish was an ethnicity, not a religion, for us. I was religious, but I more or less invented the Judaism I practiced, based on my reading of the Torah and scattershot study of Judaism. I wasn’t interested in theology; I was interested in God, with whom I have had an intense relationship from early childhood to the present. Since the book was finished, I written a number of pieces that are part of the fledgling but growing discourse of trans Jewish theology, but I hadn’t done any of that when I wrote the book. What issues did you want me to address that weren’t in the book? I’d be happy to address them now.

** Fair enough. I guess because your employment was at an Orthodox school, and so many people seem desperate to disprove some of the Torah’s verdicts on gender and sexuality, I expected a specific take. I’d be curious to know what the themes are of the pieces you’re writing now about trans Jewish theology.

Traditional Judaism doesn’t directly address transgender identity. There is the prohibition against cross-dressing in Deuteronomy, which I discuss in my memoir, rabbinic prohibitions against doing anything that would impair male fertility that are taken by many Orthodox rabbis as prohibiting male-to-female transition, and a brief discussion in the Talmud about how to integrate intersex Jews into Jewish law and community. Strikingly, the rabbis WANT to include intersex Jews, and reinterpret the law to make that possible. Yeshiva University made Orthodox Jewish history when it allowed me to return to teaching after transition, but that was clearly in response to secular law rather than a desire to be a trend-setter in terms of Orthodox Judaism. However, there are many trans Jews living in the Orthodox Jews. Most are in hiding, but many are “out” to their rabbis, who are privately empathetic. I have recently heard of one Orthodox community whose rabbi has explicitly welcomed a trans member, and the Orthodox world is in the midst of an intense discussion of how to respond to LGBTQ Jews in their midst who can no longer be quietly ignored or exiled. There are now several organizations, including Eshel and Keshet, of which I am a board member, working toward full inclusion of LGBTQ Jews in the Jewish world.  I think it’s a time of difficult but positive change. My work on trans Jewish theology is still preliminary, but you can hear some of my thinking in this podcast of my talk to rabbinical students and their teachers at the Jewish Theological Society, and read some in this essay, written for the first Jewish Trans Gathering last fall in Berkeley, CA. I discuss the intersection of trans and Jewish identity more generally in this podcast of my conversation with Lilith editor Susan Weidman Schneider at last fall’s  DC JCC Jewish Book Festival.

Also, there is this conversation with Rev. Shay Kearns which took place at the Encountering Sacred Texts panel at the 2012 Philadelphia Trans Health Conference – in conversation with Rev. Shay Kearns: Part 1 and Part 2.

2)      Betty has commented that she thinks she wound up an actor in order to find some kind of man she might be able to be (but didn’t). I’m wondering if the conservative gender roles assigned by religion now seem like a bulwark against your own sense of gender incongruence.

As I discuss in the book, I found in teaching literature as a profession – a vocation – in which I could feel close to people in a way that seemed to me to temporarily transcend gender. As I said in the book, I’m not and have never been an Orthodox Jew, or a practitioner of any conservative or traditional form of Judaism. I commute to the Orthodox world, because I teach at an Orthodox Jewish university, but I don’t live the way my students live, and my gender identity and expression have nothing to do with theirs, or with Orthodox Judaism’s gender roles. I’ve never looked to Judaism for guidance about my gender identity or expression either when living as a man or now that I’m living as myself. Continue reading “Five Questions With… Joy Ladin”

ATP: Association of Transgender Professionals

A press release about the launch of ATP crossed my desk the other day, which read in part:

New York, NY, June 7, 2013 – The Association of Transgender Professionals (ATP), was formally dedicated this week, according to ATP Executive Director, Denise Norris and endorsed by a national advisory board of voluntary leaders and allies.

The association is intended primarily to serve people who have, had or will have non-conforming gender expressions/identities and seek to advance their professional careers.

The goal of this group is to encourage the networking and mentoring which strengthens careers and promotes the next generation of leaders.

To learn more about the Association of Transgender Professionals and its vision and goals, please visit www.transgenderprofessionals.org and view an introductory video on You Tube.

It seems they’ve also received a Calamus challenge grant for $25k, which means that every dollar donated will be matched by Calamus.

Good luck to you, ATP!

Minus Dad

I wanted to send my love out to all of you – which includes me – who don’t have a dad to celebrate this year.

Some days, Facebook just feels like a plague of shitty, happy people.

Still, I will spend mine on a bike, in the sun, & call my mother, as all those things would have made my dad happiest. (I will leave the eating of cured meats to my siblings.)

& Now I will get back to my marathon screenings of Mad Men. More on that another day.

Trans Elders

Although the language seems a little dated (“transgendered” and “T-girls” most especially) these seem like worthwhile studies and good for anyone providing medical services for trans people, especially an aging population.

The transgendered population confronts a myriad of difficulties which hospice must also address.  Socially, transgendered folk, gentle folk, find themselves relegated to a near-netherworld existence.  Forced to society’s fringes they feel isolated, even abandoned, by family and friends.  They may find their friendships restricted to a “gay-friendly” environment or to other ‘T-girls’.  Many T-girls succumb to a personal economic collapse with a loss of job, loss of insurance, and even a homeless existence.

I like “gentle folk”. While it’s not always true, you get a sense of who Dr. Killeen “met” by reading these studies. At least I do.

Another Bathroom Case: Maines in Maine

Nicole Maines is in a court case to decide whether or not her school did the right thing by her when they asked her to use a staff bathroom.

BANGOR, Maine (AP) — Maine’s highest court heard arguments Wednesday over whether transgender students can use the bathroom of their choice, and the girl at the heart of the case said she hoped justices would recognize the right of children to attend school without being “bullied” by peers or administrators.

Nicole Maines, now 15, watched lawyers argue over whether her rights were violated when the Orono school district required her to use a staff bathroom after there was a complaint about her using the girls’ bathroom.

Maines said after the hearing in Bangor that she hopes the Supreme Judicial Court will ensure no one else experiences what she went though.

A couple of things:

1. I am so glad there are younger people with supportive families who are taking on school systems.

2. I’m also very happy to see we are beginning to have a national dialogue about this, and that many people are starting to realize – often because of the visibility of young transitioners – that trans women are women.

3. It blows my mind that these kinds of cases are even possible, having been around when trans students weren’t given any options besides having to use the bathroom of the sex they were declared at birth.

 

RIP JoAnn Roberts – & Thank You

JoAnn RobertsJoAnn Roberts, aged 65, died on June 7th, 2013. She was an early advocate for trans rights, trans community, and built a few institutions that provided people with hope, community, and resources. She started her work in the mid 1980s – more than 25 years ago.

JoAnn Roberts founded TG Forum, which is one of the very first resources my partner introduced me to more than a decade ago when we met. She’s written a great deal for TG Forum over the years. Roberts was a crossdresser with a drag queen’s flair, and she also created Renaissance, which was a huge organization with chapters that was welcoming both to crossdressers and transitioning trans people. They held week-long getaways in Pennsylvania and generally focused their work in the northeast.

She also wrote Coping with Crossdressing, which was written expressly for couples who were negotiating a husband’s crossdressing — and both her first and second wives accepted her as a crossdresser. She also published LadyLike magazine, whose importance is likely to be undervalued now that we have computers: for many CDs, this magazine was the only thing that had useful information about events, dressing tips, and which helped people feel a little less alone.

Dallas Denny has written a piece remembering her on TG Forum; they worked together for years on AEGIS; Roberts also went on to be part of the now-defunct GenderPAC and wrote The Gender Bill of Rights in 1990. It was short, but it was powerful, especially in 1990, when no one was even using the word “transgender” (it was, more frequently, “transgendered”, and even that was rarely used).

It states:

The Gender bill of Rights by JoAnn Roberts
It is time for the transgendered community to take a stand, a strong stand, against all gender-based discrimination simply because some people are different and simply because some people do not fit into current social norms of gender roles. It is time the gender-based community articulate this stand in words that clearly define exactly what our gender rights are. It is time to stand alongside other minority rights movements to declare these gender rights as follows:

The Right To Assume A Gender Role

Every human being has within themselves an idea of who they are and what they are capable of achieving. That identity and capability shall not be limited by a person’s physical or genetic sex, nor by what any society may deem as “masculine” or “feminine” behavior. It is fundamental, then, that each individual has the right to assume gender roles congruent with one’s self-perceived identity and capabilities, regardless of physical sex, genetic sex, or sex role.

Therefore, no person shall be denied their Human and/or Civil Rights on the basis that their gender role or perceived gender role is not congruent with their genetic sex, physical sex, or sex role.

She stopped working visibly on trans issues about a years back – having accomplished more than most for members of the trans community.

She will be missed, but she shouldn’t be forgotten.

Leslie Feinberg in Hospice

Oh, this sad news. Please do make sure you read the requests Leslie Feinberg has made about how to send well wishes and respect them.

I want to be the one to tell you that I am failing to thrive very rapidly, and a local hospice expert is working to set up care in our home.

In the meantime, messages of personal support are welcome, but I can’t respond. I can’t do interviews or videos.
Please no commercial inquiries of any kind.

Minnie Bruce and I welcome your messages of support at: minniebrucepratt@yahoo.com

Please do not send these messages to our other e-mail accounts!
And—please do not ask for details or send medical advice.

. . .

While it might not be realistic or possible, I have a fierce determination to get out in the streets with you all at the Central New York Pride March this Saturday, June 15.

We love you, Leslie, for all you have done and for who you are.

Mark Pocan (D-WI) on ENDA and ExxonMobil

Pretty simply put with a lot of useful information about why ExxonMobil is the exception and not the rule and need to get out of the way of this important American legislation.

Mark Pocan is gay, out, and is now filling the position recently vacated by Tammy Baldwin when she became the first out LGBTQ Senator.

Here’s a 7 minute video of personal stories about the importance of this legislation. Even though it is specifically about West Virginia, it makes the point for many states without this kind of basic protection.

Non-Op Resource

There is very little out there for those trans people who don’t medically transition – for various reasons – or who straddle a non-binary gender identity and expression. But today someone sent me a link to this website, which collects both resources, like their Trans 101, and stories of either non-op transitions or non-transitioning trans people.

From the site:

What there is a lack of, is information for people who don’t want to change their bodies for whatever reason.

I’m going to preface this by saying that I fully support transition. Transition is a valid option for people who experience severe dysphoria, many of these people need to transition.

What I don’t support is the pressure the law, society, and even the transgender community puts on people to get expensive medical treatment they may not want. It’s extremely hard for non-transitioners (or non-ops) to find support or resources for the unique problems facing them, and I’m hoping to fix that.

What a very cool thing. If you have any other resources like this one, feel free to post links below or email them to me.