Dr. Richard Docter is a clinical psychologist and gender researcher from Los Angeles with 20 years of experience in the transgender community. Together with Virginia Prince, he is co-author of the largest survey of cross dressers ever published. In 1988 he published the book Transvestites and Transsexuals. He continues to be a frequent contributor to transgender conventions throughout the nation.
1) Your Transvestites & Transsexuals was one of the only books (other than Mariette Pathy Allen’s Transformations) that actually mentioned spouses when I was looking for information nearly a decade ago. What encouraged you to include spouses?
< Dr. Richard Docter with Christine Jorgensen, 1987. (Photo by Mariette Pathy Allen.)
There were a number of published articles about the concerns of wives published prior to 1988. I was interested in the views of wives because important family dynamics are almost always affected by cross dressing. Few wives were totally rejecting, but few had worked out an accomodation that felt good for both. The wives who seem most interesting to me are people like you, Helen, who defy the societal view that all of this is sick, sick, sick. Instead, some wives, as you point out, not only put shame on the back burner, but find ways to enjoy the joy of cross dressing that means so much to their husband. I hope you will keep collecting their stories so they can be shared with both husbands and wives.
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Thank You
I’m up late tonight again, as I usually am, writing – though tonight I’m writing reviews of two books: Virginia Erhardt’s Head Over Heels: Wives Who Stay with Cross-Dressers and Transsexuals (not due to come out until winter) and Leslie Feinberg’s latest novel, Drag King Dreams (which is out now and which everyone must go out and buy immediately – more on why later).
While I was compiling the most recent issue of the (en)gender newsletter (which is an abbreviated form of my blog postings for the past month), I was clicking on the new posts on the boards, and I just had a moment where I really felt thankful for all the smart, lovely people who post on the boards. Michelle’s recent post was especially moving, but so was Tobi’s thank you to SJ for sharing her androgyny experiences. Sometimes I’m just struck by how many kind-hearted, gentle-minded folks are out there, trans or partners or queer or otherwise, who post on the boards, and who keep me company during these late nights that would otherwise be unbroken editing and writing and smoking.
So, thanks to you all.
Preview from Crossing Sexual Boundaries
Last month I did a Five Questions With… interview with Ari Kane where we talked about the new anthology she edited (with Vern Bullough) called Crossing Sexual Boundaries: Transgender Journeys, Uncharted Paths. I contributed an essay to it and thought I’d give people a preview of my essay.
A relationship is always a search for balance. All couples try to find the right amounts of disparate elements: commitment and freedom; togetherness and independence; responsibility and indulgence; solitude and sociability; excitement and security; stability and growth. In a transgendered relationship, all of those types of balance are needed, but the strains an emerging TG identity can put on a couple can cause greater stress for both partners. Will my femininity decrease as his increases? Does his need to implement change threaten our stability? Will his urge to be free of his male role upset my sense of our roles within the relationship? Can keeping such a big part of himself private negatively effect our social life? If I can’t connect with, or am not also in love with his feminine self, will my independence from that part of him lead to estrangement? All of these questions – and many others like them – are ones we have had to answer for ourselves. Some balances occur naturally and others are always a little off. I found, however, that what kind of balance – if any – occurs, it is usually a result of long, honest conversation, difficult stare-at-your-feet-while-you-spit-it-out admissions. Some of the things we have to say to each other bring us back to the tension that most people feel at the beginning of a relationship. He worries that his self-expression will finally cause me to say “Enough.†I worry that the changes he needs to make to his body and/or personality will change him too drastically from the man I fell in love with and find attractive. For most people, there is a sigh of relief when someone gets to know you very well, and isn’t going to leave when you tell that dumb joke or admit some lifelong weird habit. My brother is fond of saying “The honeymoon’s over when you fart in bed,†but for most, the end of the honeymoon period leads to one of stability and the mundane that is appreciated by both partners. We never seem to arrive there, as his transgenderedness makes that kind of easy acceptance of the other an impossibility. He doesn’t know who he is yet, and neither do I. We have first dates all the time. First dates are fun when you don’t have anything to lose, but when you’re on a first date after five years of commitment, shared experiences, love and love-making, it’s like coming home every day hoping your house hasn’t burnt down.
I was amazed to find, when I re-read this essay – which I wrote at least two years ago – how much of a nutshell version of the new book it is.
Rhea has posted a lovely review of the essay on the message boards, with further thoughts and comments by others who have read it (& I added a couple of clarifications as well).
Five Questions With… Ariadne Kane
Ariadne Kane has been doing transgender outreach longer than many of us have been walking – since 1972. She was on The Phil Donahue Show in 1980 and probably gave some of the people reading this a glimpse that they weren’t alone in being trans. Somewhere in there she came up with the idea of Fantasia Fair, as well.
< Ariadne Kane
1. Since you were the person who ‘invented’ Fantasia Fair, how did it come about? What did it take to put on the first couple of them? How has it changed in the ensuing years?
Fan/Fair (the abbreviated version) was conceived of in 1974. It struck me that we could create a dynamic program of activities that were educational, social and practical for all CDs & TSs who were willing to come out from the ‘closets’ of shame, guilt and shyness. I believed that, in a tolerant and open community, they could learn some things about being femme or masculine; get much needed help about comportment and presentation and, have truly educational experience out of the ‘closet’. It was with this guiding premise that Fan/Fair was created. It was with the help and financial backing of 3 members of the Boston Cherrystone ‘T’ Club and myself that Fan/Fair 1 became a reality in 1975.
Needless to say, we learned a lot about the needs and aspirations of the ‘T’ community, including what program elements worked in favor of our Goals for the program. Over the next 3 decades, the Fan/ Fair Steering Committee adopted a template for programming and administration, These included a balanced mix of educational, social and practical modules for the ‘T’ person who wanted to emerge from the ‘closet’ and learn the dynamics leading to personal growth and adaptability in either the feminine or the masculine gender role of choice. This template is still the guiding instrument in the design of every Fair, even today.
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A Letter from Paisley Currah
I received this today & as an author of books on trans subject, I thought I should make it available for more of you to see. There is very little out there that recognizes good scholarship/writing on the part of transfolks.
Friends,
Some of you know that, in addition to being a transgender rights advocate, I’m also the Executive Director of the Center for Lesbian and Gay Studies (CLAGS). Much of my work at CLAGS focuses on supporting writing, research, and advocacy about and for trans people.
I’m emailing you because, as activists, a scholars, or as scholar-activists, I know you’re interested in research on trans issues, and that you might be interested in supporting this work by making a donation to the Sylvia Rivera Award in Transgender Studies, a prize CLAGS gives out each year for the best piece of published writing in transgender studies. The 2004 winner was Jamison Green, for his book, Becoming a Visible Man. It probably won’t come as a surprise to many of you that there is still little recognition of transgender studies in the academy, and in publishing generally, so the very existence of this award does much to promote the work of those writing about transgender people.
I’m very proud of the work that we do at CLAGS to further transgender studies and advocacy, among other things. But here’s the thing–less than 7% of CLAGS’s operating costs come from the university that houses us. Almost all our work depends on the support of individuals and foundations. And all of the support for our fellowships, including the Sylvia Rivera Award, comes from individuals like you.
So please do consider supporting transgender studies by making a donation of any size (even a $10 or $20 donation would help a lot , $100 or $200 even more !) towards the Sylvia Rivera Award. Donations to the Sylvia Rivera Award count will also entail you to a CLAGS membership, including a subscription to CLAGSnews, other member benefits, and my undying love and gratitude.
You can make your donation online, right now. Just go to our donations page and choose “Sylvia Rivera Award” under “your support.” Or, you can send a check to CLAGS, Room 7115, 365 Fifth Avenue, New York, NY 10016.
For those of you who don’t know about CLAGS, here’s some background–CLAGS was established in 1991 at the Graduate Center campus of the City University of New York as the first and only university-base research center for Lesbian /Gay /Transgender /Bisexual /Queer (LGTBQ) issues, histories and ideas. For more than a dozen years, CLAGS has worked to foster and disseminate LGTBQ thought to the country through its public programming (panels, colloquium series, conferences), outreach efforts (free reading and discussion groups), and resources (a far-reaching newsletter, well-trafficked website, a book series with NYU Press). And in May 2005, we hosted a national conference, “Trans Politics, Social Change, and Justice.” More in-depth information about the trans conference and CLAGS in general can be found at our website, www.clags.org.
Thanks so much for considering my request.
All my best,
Paisley
Paisley Currah / Executive Director / Center for Lesbian and Gays Studies (CLAGS) / http://www.clags.org &
Director / Transgender Law & Policy Institute / http://www.transgenderlaw.org
The Center for Lesbian and Gay Studies (CLAGS) / Graduate Center, Room 7115 / City University of New York / 365 Fifth Avenue / New York, NY 10016
For more information about CLAGS’s events, programs, conferences, colloquia, and fellowships, to add to or search our directory of LGBTQ Studies, to join our mailing list, or to find out how to become a member, please visit our web site at www.clags.org.To make an online donation to CLAGS, go to our page at Groundspring..
Five Questions With… Doug McKeown
Douglas McKeown is the facilitator of the Queer Stories workshop – one of the results of which was the book Queer Stories for Boys. Doug has worked as a teacher, actor, writer, scenic designer, and a director of stage and screen; his low-budget sci-fi/horror movie The Deadly Spawn [1983], has been restored and released on DVD [2004]).
< one of Doug McKeown’s childhood costumes. For more photos, check the Queer Stories for Boys website.
1) With both Brokeback Mountain and Transamerica getting nominations all over the place, it’s like The Year for Mainstreaming LGBT Lives. Why now, do you think? How do you feel about straight actors getting all the good gay roles?
Well, exactly how many out gay actors are there in the upper echelons? I mean, considering that the answer to that has to be “precious few,†doesn’t one just want to cast the actor who best suits the character? Did McMurtry know or care about Heath Ledger’s sex life when he turned to Ossana during a screening of “Monster’s Ball†and whispered, “That’s our Ennis?†(Uh-oh, I’m answering with questions. Let me get my declaratives lined up.) As for why now, I have no idea. I could guess. It may be that people in this country in general (unconsciously?) have simply had it with the national bullshit of the last several years — in entertainment as well as politics — and are craving the strongest possible dose of truth and humanity (unconsciously?), especially if it shocks their systems. Like a bracing shower. Well, that may be wishful thinking. I really don’t know the answer.
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Hirschfeld Revival
I’ve seen the revivals of a couple of people whose work I love: first, Edna St. Vincent Millay, who had stopped being recognized in academia for a few decades before interest in her returned; before that, Buster Keaton, who now gets mentioned in documentaries on Bob Newhart and in various conversatons with film people.
But the revival of Magnus Hirschfeld really thrills me. I’ve often wondered how different the world might be if his work at the Institute of Sexuality had continued all those years ago. He circulated a petition to make homosexuality legal in Berlin; he personally testified on the part of transsexuals in order to get their gender identity changed on ID cards, and he is, of course, the person who coined both the terms ‘transvestite’ and ‘transsexual’ (though the latter was popularized by Dr. Harry Benjamin).
There’s a reason I dedicated My Husband Betty to him, and much thanks to Vern Bullough for “introducing” me to Hirschfeld’s work (in his Crossdressing, Sex, and Gender) and to Donna for posting the Gay City News article, and to Benjamin Weinthal for writing it.
Five Questions With… Holly Boswell
Holly Boswell helped launch the transgender movement with her groundbreaking essay “The Transgender Alternative” in 1990. S/he has been the chief architect of Southern Comfort‘s programs since 1991, and is a regular presenter at several conferences. In 1986 s/he co-founded the Phoenix Trans Support group in Asheville, NC, in ’93 founded the alternative Trans-Spiritual community known as Kindred Spirits, hosts the Bodhi Tree House, and directs the Traveling Medicine Show.
1) Recently our message boards have been discussing the way “transgender” seems to be coming to mean – in the popular/media usage – “transsexual.” As someone who self-identifies as a transgenderist, how do you feel about this new usage?
I reject the usage you describe of the term “transgender” as coming to mean “transsexual” — if indeed that is really happening. That is totally erroneous. “Trans” means to cross: either vestments, gender, or biological sex. All of these categories cross the lines of gender, which is why the word “transgender” has come to be an umbrella term for the entire Trans Community, such as it is gradually formulating itself out of its own amazing diversity. Transsexuality comprises only a small (perhaps 10%) segment of the overall Trans Community, and yet it receives the lion’s share of attention because it is so dramatic and sensational. Please, let us respect our terminologies, as well as the roots of our word meanings, so that we can continue to make sense out of our own personally complex equations, without abandoning our ability to communicate our truth to mainstream culture through a common language.
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The Writing Life
When I’ve gotten into a fight with my siblings over money, or sometimes just in casual conversations, someone who has never written a book will mention that they could. Or should. Or would. Or something.
And I always want to say, “I’m sure you could, but you haven’t.” I’m not talking about getting published – that’s business – I’m talking about having an idea for a book and sitting down and writing it.
One of the things a lot of writers will agree with me on (I think) is that so much of writing is about not doing anything. I often joke with Betty that my personality is much better suited to be putting caps on bottles; I’d leave work satisfied every day that I’d done my job. Or maybe overseeing batches of wedding invitations printed and beribboned and mailed. I like projects like that; they’re very satisfying to my anal retentive self.
But writing is so not satisfying. First of all, it looks to most people like you don’t DO anything. Betty, for instance, has learned not to interrupt me when I’m staring at the wall, because it means the writer thing is happening somewhere in the recesses of my brain, and I have to keep still to channel the message, as it were. Or to translate it. Or whatever that process is.
The reason I think most people don’t write books – even when they intend to – is that you don’t feel like you’re doing anything when you’re writing. You feel like you’re talking to yourself, mostly. If you can address the issue of why on earth anyone cares what you think – that is, if you’ve got a big enough ego to just slide right by that one – then the next question is why you’d put so much time into something that people consume so quickly.
I’m not going to divide what I made on MHB for the two years I wrote, reviewed, and promoted it. I’m not. & I’m definitely not going to think about what that ends up in hourly wages.
Which would be the other reason practical types like my brother never sit down & write that book they know they could write.
Right. Back to bottlecaps.
IFGE
I’m not sure I can even express what a good time I had at IFGE this year. It was one of my favorite conferences the first time around, & I’m very glad I got to go back – even if it had to be without Betty.
My first night in, hanging at Players’ bar, I had a tentative older man ask me if I was Ms. Boyd, and then whether or not I would hang around long enough for him to go get books for me to sign. I said yes, of course, and when he came back down he was so full of compliments and thanks I was nearly embarrassed – and he said it all while Meredith Bacon was sitting next to me, catching up. She looks great, very French academic, imho, with her banged bob. Ironically, five minutes later someone else came up to me & told me that the section I wrote about her was “dead wrong” which prompted someone within earshot to say, “so I get the feeling people either love you or hate you,” and I have to admit, that seems awfully true.
I have to thank both Kristine and Alison for organizing such a great conference, and for being so welcoming. Kristine especially has a certain wryness about her when she’s observing a room and its goings-on that I love.
At IFGE, this is the way it goes: you see Richard Docter across the room and want to go say hello, and then you notice Dallas Denny sitting on a couch nearby, and then realize that the two people Dr. Docter is talking to are Nancy Nangeroni and Gordene Mackenzie (the latter of whom won a Virginia Prince award, & who is one of the loveliest people you could hope to meet). For me, it’s just remarkable, and any conversation I have is one I’d otherwise mull over, except they come at you so fast you almost can’t keep up. Two academics (one was Richard Docter) told me students love MHB and really engage with it, which makes me endlessly happy, because I don’t think people should need to read theory to think intensely and creatively about gender.
I met a bunch of people for the first time: the flirtatious (and fearless leader of Trans Veterans), Monica Helms. Dottie Berry, albeit briefly. Gordene Mackenzie, with whom I had one of the best conversations I’ve had in forever, and who was so wonderfully sweet and supportive about my writing and my work. She in turn introduced me to the legendary Phyllis Frye, who has one hell of a sense of humor and this downhome way of talking that charmed my socks off.
I got to meet and chat with Alice Novic, after some misunderstandings between us; I’d only ever met her in guy mode and she is a looker, hands down. (She’s definitely one of those crossdressers who make the whole ‘transsexuals pass and crossdressers don’t’ bullshit, bullshit.) Rachel Goldberg – who is on the board of GenderPac and who came in for a last-minute assist at this year’s Trans Issues Week at Yale for me – smiled & said hi a few times and yes, she’s beautiful, too. (As I mentioned earlier, I was noticing every beautiful dark-haired tranny who walked by, since I was sans Betty and had no idea what to do with my urge to flirt. I always have to be careful, since I think I’d have a taker or two if I weren’t.)
I had a great catch-up with Holly Boswell, who is just – I’m not sure I can explain the aura of sweetness and light that Holly radiates, and her hair, her hair! I’m always envious.
Mara Keisling is Mara Keisling, and she is one of the funniest most charming people ever, and it’s a really good feeling to know she’s on our side! I was envying a suit she wore, too, though she’s sworn she’s going to be femme this year…
Mariette Pathy Allen is ever-present, with camera, flitting, introducing. She’s the one who introduced me to Monica Helms.
I was a panelist for Mona Rae Mason‘s workshop on Defining Our Community, which we did not, in fact, define. I annoyed some people & pleased others with suggesting we maybe get on with things instead of spending another 10 years defining our terms.
I intended to see Sandra Cole and didn’t, pah.
I got to bug numerous people about returning my Five Questions With… interviews, and you all can consider this another reminder!
I got to hang out with Lore, a transman I recently met here in NYC, and met Alan, a 21 year old transman from Berkeley who is on the IFGE board. As Michelle pointed out to me during lunch, I had gathered the butchest table at the luncheon. I’m still processing a lot of my feelings about my own gender, but it’s always a relief for me to be around the FTM set.
My own workshop went well – thanks Lore for the loan of the watch – and I was absolutely tickled that the remarkable Hawk Stone showed up for it – especially because he’s seen me speak before and came back for more! He’s a good nodder, exactly what you want as a speaker to know if you’re making any sense.
Thanks to all the fantastic partners who came, and said hello, and who are trying to make this work – especially the woman who said hello to me after my workshop and who is with her partner post-transition – and that after 30 years of marriage. She said some lovely, reassuring things to me about Betty’s possible transition, along the lines of “I didn’t expect to be able to do this either.”
Mostly I’m just overwhelmed with the humor and grace of the trans community. The flirts, the heavy hearts, the activists, the educators – it’s such a beautiful diversity of people, and that we all get along at all is remarkable. I spoke with an emerging transwoman about her possible transition and her own “Hobson’s Choice” as she dearly loves her wife of 24 years, and was there under the strain of an ultimatum.
It was sad to leave when I had to; I felt like I’d invited a bunch of people to a great party & then once they all got there, I left. More & more people were showing up as the weekend approached, & I’m sure tons more showed up Friday night & into Saturday.
& I haven’t even touched on all the new thoughts I had about my own gender, Betty’s gender, and gender in general. But then I have to get back to writing, so I’ve got a nice jumping off point to do so.