Christmas Mo(u)rning

Betty and I went shopping at Macy’s the other day because we’re going to be taping a television show later in the week (more on that when I get around to it), and the windows at Macy’s were really spectacular. The entire 34th street side is an ode to the movie Miracle on 34th Street. The Broadway side is much more magical, and in one window, a huge roaring lion is absolutely gorgeous. You could see the kids just glassy-eyed, full of wonder, reflected in the glass. I felt the crying coming on, tried to hold it back, and then Betty asked me what was wrong – and out it came. My grandma used to bring me in every year to see the windows, just me & her, & then we’d go to the Radio City Christmas Show. She died in early December & Christmas has felt a little wrong since then, even though it’s been twelve years now. It surprises me that a moment like that can get me, but you know,you throw in a big lion & there’s Narnia in the mix, and it’s like all of my childhood laid out in front of me. I become a huge puddle of a person, still missing her company, still sad to have lost – to some degree – that glassy-eyed wonder at the world.

Christmas is a rough season when you’ve lost someone close to you. My love goes out especially to the Heskins this year and to a few mHB posters who have lost loved ones this year (you know who you are).

Vern Bullough

Vern Bullough, author of umpteen books, advocate for crossdressers and trans people, died this past Wednesday, June 21st.
I can’t even begin to express how sad I am: Vern became more than an author whose books I read, but a kind of mentor for me, always willing to answer a question or point me toward research that might help me out.

From the Center for Inquiry and the Council for Secular Humanism
The Center for Inquiry Laments the Death of Vern Bullough: Leonardo Man and Stalwart Secular Humanist
The Center for Inquiry is sorry to announce that Vern Bullough died Wednesday evening, June 21st, after a brief illness. He was a stalwart humanist, a dedicated member of the Council for Secular Humanism, the Center for Inquiry, and CSICOP. He had devoted himself to humane causes all during his life; he was considered to be one of the leading authorities in the world on the history of sex and the nature of gender. He was a tireless advocate of civil liberties, the rights of minorities, including gays, lesbians and transgendered persons.
The author or editor of over 50 books including Sexual Attitudes: Myths and Realities, with Bonnie Bullough, and hundreds of articles, he was renowned in several areas of human interest, including history, sexology, nursing and liberal religion. Indeed, a true Leonardo Man, Vern was a distinguished professor emeritus at the State University of New York at Buffalo, an Outstanding Professor in the California State University, a past president of the Society for the Scientific Study of Sex, past Dean of natural and social sciences at SUNY in Buffalo, New York, and one of the founders of the American Association for the History of Nursing. In addition, he was a recipient of the Distinguished Humanist Award and a past Vice President of the IHEU.
Vern served on the Center’s Board of Directors since its inception and was personally involved in its outreach. He accompanied the Center for Inquiry’s Explorers Club on a Cruise to Alaska in early June. He read a paper on board ship, and managed to write up his remarks in the form of an article, which will be published in Free Inquiry magazine.
He will be sorely missed as one of he leading secular humanists in North America and the world and a liberal voice for the right of self-determination, tolerance and dignity.
He leaves his wife, Gwen Brewer (Prof. Emeritus, University of California) and four children.
Paul Kurtz
Chairman and Founder, Center for Inquiry and the Council for Secular Humanism

Five Questions With… Richard Docter

Dr. Richard Docter is a clinical psychologist and gender researcher from Los Angeles with 20 years of experience in the transgender community. Together with Virginia Prince, he is co-author of the largest survey of cross dressers ever published. In 1988 he published the book Transvestites and Transsexuals. He continues to be a frequent contributor to transgender conventions throughout the nation.
richard docter, christine jorgensen1) Your Transvestites & Transsexuals was one of the only books (other than Mariette Pathy Allen’s Transformations) that actually mentioned spouses when I was looking for information nearly a decade ago. What encouraged you to include spouses?
< Dr. Richard Docter with Christine Jorgensen, 1987. (Photo by Mariette Pathy Allen.)
There were a number of published articles about the concerns of wives published prior to 1988. I was interested in the views of wives because important family dynamics are almost always affected by cross dressing. Few wives were totally rejecting, but few had worked out an accomodation that felt good for both. The wives who seem most interesting to me are people like you, Helen, who defy the societal view that all of this is sick, sick, sick. Instead, some wives, as you point out, not only put shame on the back burner, but find ways to enjoy the joy of cross dressing that means so much to their husband. I hope you will keep collecting their stories so they can be shared with both husbands and wives.
Continue reading “Five Questions With… Richard Docter”

Way Too Much TV

When I first saw the ads for Beauty & the Geek, I delivered a predictable tirade about gender and intelligence and how stupid it was that the Beauties were all female and the Geeks all male.
Then I saw a couple of episodes. And now I’m hooked.
This is the first reality show I’ve ever seen where the underlying tone of the show is really very sweet. The premise: socially-challenged geeks helping academically-challenged social butterflies how to learn stuff. In exchange, the socially-skilled pretties teach the guys how to have a conversation with a girl & comb their hair & tell a joke.
It makes me happy to have been a That 70s Show fan from the beginning, since without its success, Ashton Kutcher wouldn’t be Ashton Kutcher, and he wouldn’t have had the clout to produce Beauty & the Geek. Now if I could just talk to him about doing the show with reversed genders…
And while I still wish it weren’t gendered so strictly, it’s a lovely little show – honest and funny. I worry this means I’m softening up in my old age, but then I think – so what if I am? Hey, maybe the beauties are teaching me something, too. Oh, the horror.

Not Narnia

A reality TV show that featured a white, conservative, Christian town welcoming a gay family into their midst never saw the light of day.
I don’t think anyone should be surprised.
The Wrights – the gay family in question – have never gotten answers for why the show wasn’t broadcast, though they theorize that Disney, who are both the producers of the show and of The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe, might have pulled the show because they were simultaneously courting viewers for the Narnia movie.
Can I just say how much this makes me ill? I expect hypocrisy from television producers (and apologies upfront to any who aren’t full of shite) and I think anyone who doesn’t got hit with a naive stick. But mostly I’m tired of what people have made Narnia into – this behemoth of Christian Rightness.
Of course the people who produced it marketed it to Christians – it’s a family movie, there’s no cursing, nudity, and the morality works well within Christian morality. Lewis was of course a convert, against his own better judgement; his famous statement was that he became a Christian “kicking and screaming.” But the fact is he was a Christian, and while it’s highly debatable whether or not he intended to write an allegory – I’m of the camp that insists he didn’t, since he’s said himself that the stories started because he was simply havng a lot of dreams about lions – I’m very certain that seeing the Chronicles as simply Christian propaganda is missing so much of the point. And I mean that not just for the Christians and Disney producers whose hypocrisy pisses me off; I direct that as well to the kneejerk liberals who are demonizing the movie as if it represents all that is wrong with Christian Rightness.
It’s a little like faulting Nietzsche with the way fascists used his theory of the Ubermensch.

As I’ve said before, the gorgeousness of Narnia is not based in Lewis’ Christianity, but in his decency. In an era when we can’t even seem to like the French – the very same French who gave us the Statue of Liberty! – the story of Edmund seems a vital one for Christians and Americans to pay attention to. Sometimes allies are not allies; sometimes we have poked and teased and pissed off our allies so that they stop behaving like allies. And sometimes – even traitors can be redeemed.
The scene I was most pleased they left in – and most feared they would leave out – is the scene where Prof. Digory Kirke hoists Susan and Peter on their own illogical petard. If Lucy is generally truthful, and known not to be mad, then, he asserts: she must be telling the truth.
Imagine if the Christian viewers of Narnia heard that in respect to, say, homosexuality.
I like to believe that the real spirit of what Lewis put in those pages will be heard; maybe not by adults with ears closed by doctrine, but by the children who might see the movie and so pick up the books. There is so much more in the books, so much decency – and decency that is not easy to have, or express. Lewis’ decency – like Aslan’s – is all about admitting to yourself that you’ve been a prig and admitting when you did the shallow, selfish, show-offy thing instead of the right thing.
While it seems like the Narnia books might fulfill some dream of good propaganda by the Christian Right, a good book is never so predictable. As with any other good book, using it as propaganda will backfire; the real truth of a good story will have its day. After all, it’s not a tame book.

Still in all, my bet is that someone had something to say about a reality show which portrayed how a homosexual family found acceptance in a town that didn’t want to accept them. Blaming cynical advertising interests for such a cowardly decision feels good, but I’m not sure it’s the whole answer. And I for one want the whole answer, because it sickens me that the kind of crap on television can’t occasionally be offset by a show that actively created tolerance in its participants – and potentially, its viewers as well.

Worst of Both Worlds Season

I know I’m not the only football widow, and I know now – since the publication of My Husband Betty – that I’m not the only ‘worst of both worlds’ widow, either. Oh no. I know there’s Heather, who just sent me a lovely email about her own ‘Betty’ watching the game “in stockings, heels, and a nightie.” But I’d forgotten about playoff season, when there’s more football on than episodes of Law & Order. After yesterday’s screams and howls brought on by the Indiana/Pittsburgh game, Betty decided to try on some clothes a friend gave her while watching today’s game.
It’s like genius-level torture, having a skinny woman in my house trying on new clothes while she watches football and I clean the catboxes.
(She does vaccuum when and where I ask her to, though. I’m trying to figure out how to get her to vaccuum without me asking, next.)

Let's (Not) Have Sex?

It’s a funny thing to be envying a couple who haven’t had sex since 1986.
But upon reading a recent interview with Meredith (nee Wally) and Lynne Bacon, I can’t help envying them. It would be so much easier to make it through transition if sexuality were already out of the picture. And while I admit that I have no idea if the lack of sex Meredith and Lynne had before Meredith’s transition is a complicated story (my guess is that it is), settling into a platonic though perhaps romantic friendship with your former husband could be nice.
Some say it’s age, but it’s not. I’ve met older partners of transition for whom sex is just as important as it is to a 25 year old (and a horny 25 year old, to boot).
(I really do dread menopause.)
Of course I also have this niggling thought that I first had when Jenny Finney Boylan & her wife Deirdre were on Oprah: that when they want to hear about transsexualism, they talk to a transsexual (which makes sense), but when they want to know about the relationship, and the wife’s feelings, they still talk to the transsexual (but include her wife in the interview). Now why is that, do you think?
Or is it that they prefer to interview couples who say they don’t have sex, and who aren’t going to say words like queer on television? Dunno. Sometimes, looking at the long-suffering wife scenario, I figure that I’m just not what they’re looking for.

These Damn Death Shows

Okay, is anyone else addicted to these murder procedurals? It started for me with Law & Order: Criminal Intent, because I liked Vincent D’Onofrio. But then Crossing Jordan was on after that.
I barely watch any tv and yet I can’t keep from watching these – even when they creep me out. Even when I can’t sleep after. Stupid of me, but I can’t cut it out.