Tag: trans partners

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Who Knew?

It’s amazing the small ways that the culture’ s inequalities show themselves. In this case, a man decided to take his wife’s last name, because he was a lot closer to her father than his own. But there is no bureaucratic pathway for such thing – as there is for women to change their names when they get married – so he had to go through a formal name change (much as trans people do).

It’s always a similar feeling, for me, when we fill out our taxes, and I have to remember I’m the spouse, and not Betty.

(thanks to Lena, as usual, for the interesting link)

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Shocker. Not.

Not only don’t men do housework, they create 7 hours more of it for their wives.

Based on 2005 data, which have been compared to those from national time diaries, the research shows women, of all ages with no children, on average do 10 hours of housework a week before marriage and 17 hours of housework a week after marriage. Men of all ages with no children, on the other hand, do eight hours before marriage and seven hours afterwards.

“The situation gets worse for women when they have children,” says Stafford.

Married women with more than three kids recorded an average of about 28 hours of housework a week, while married men with more than three kids logged only about 10 hours of housework a week.

Not that any woman living with a man will be surprised.

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29 of 53

Those poor young women of that Eldorado sect – more than half of them are pregnant or are mothers.

This case made me think of two things – the argument than trans women are the same as women raised female – which is obviously not true. That doesn’t mean that a gender variant kid wouldn’t have been treated worse by this sect – but a young MTF couldn’t have been used as a breeder, either. That doesn’t mean trans women are “less than.” Just that all kinds of women – trans & otherwise – face oppressions and discrimination specific to the type of women they are. Blurring difference doesn’t help us address these kinds of problems, imho.

The second thing it made me think of is an ongoing argument about Danica Patrick that’s been happening on the MHB Boards. The debate is about whether or not it’s messed up that a winning racecar driver – the 1st to win a significant race, from what I understand – isn’t somehow degrading herself by also posing suggestively on car hoods. (I think it is.) These young women of Eldorado remind me of that argument because it’s been thousands of years where women’s bodies have been used – to bear children, to bring pleasure (both physical & visual), to men with power. So the assertion that Danica Patrick is somehow blazing some new trail of “feminine empowerment” by taking her clothes off is like – um. yeah. no. Women have always done that to curry favor with the kind of assholes like the guys down in Eldorado, kings, senators, and drug lords, boyfriend and bubbas. And I just don’t see a woman doing that today as any different than it ever was.

(But I’m sure someone can jump up & tell me those women in Eldorado are somehow empowered by getting pregnant with the children of those fucknuts, too.)

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Legal Marriage, Queer Relationship

The NYT did an article about the legal issues when you’re a heterosexual couple and one of you legally changes gender. I’ve been talking about the ramifications of this stuff for so long that I failed to notice for others it might be quite a surprise, and revelatory, but it is.

Interesting comments have come in from Cara at Feministe and a young trans woman who calls herself Critical Thinking Girl. As CTG points out, it is pretty tawdry – the usual before & after photos, etc. – and when she notes:

The tone of this article is clear – Fran is a put-upon woman, with an eccentric husband. The picture they chose is also curious as it has the trans woman in the relationship holding back her wife.

As many of my regular readers already know, one of the things that drives me batshit about the media in general is the way they choose rubes to write about, instead of speaking to activists or advocates who are prepared to deal with media, or who have become allied with LGBTQ people on the issue. For those of you who are interested, here’s a talk I gave at the Law School of Penn State Dickinson last year.

Because honestly, same sex marriage recognition would make life easier for all trans people in relationships – including CTG.

Oh – and to The Times – and everyone else: it’s “transition” not “sex change.”

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My Husband Jackie

A NY Times article about Jackie Warner – and the myriad housewives who have crushes on her – leaves out one explanation for what’s going on: women are starting to see good “husband material” in other women. Warner is the perfect case in point: she is physically strong, financially independent, able to hold her own in the business world and manage her own company… which all adds up to her being what my aunts would have called “a good catch.” The only caveat is that she’s a woman.

To me it’s a weird intersection of eras and values: a generation of women who still believe in “the good catch” but who are open-minded enough to begin to view a woman in the way that women traditionally only ever saw men.

Honestly, I think women are now only beginning to glimpse what equality might actually be like. If we continue to de-gender things like physical power, financial power, caretaking, family leadership, ambition and confidence, the whole heterosexual paradigm might find itself on its head, which is a very heady idea indeed.

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Wish List

I’ve found myself back in Brooklyn after teaching a term at Lawrence and a semester at Merrimack, needing work.

I’d prefer teaching work in the NYC area, or lectures at colleges or the like, but really I’ll consider anything that pays okay. Lecture gigs are always good fun.

I am, of course, for hire as a coach, to help find transition resources, and for other trans-related stuff. I’m happy to provide an ear or a shoulder to cry on for trans people & partners alike.

I’m also a decent editor, writer, and admin. I’m a good lecturer and teacher. I can bookkeep if necessary. If you want to see more about what I do and what I’ve done, my author website is the place to check: www.helenboydbooks.com.

But if any of you know academics, especially in English or Gender Studies, please mention me to them.

& While I’m at it, I need a new literary agent who represents fiction, too. & A grant to finish writing my novel.

Okay, I think that’s it for now.

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Pregnant Man, Redux

That bonehead Bill O’Reilly made fun of Thomas Beattie for having a baby since his wife can’t.

Keith Olbermann called O’Reilly one of the “worst persons in the world” for doing so.

Olbermann 1, O’Reilly 0.

For those of you who are confused by the whole “pregnant man” story, here’s the nutshell: female-bodied person needed to change gender due to internal sense of gender role. Took testosterone, had breasts removed, was legally declared male on important documents. Did not have full hysterectomy. His wife, Nancy, unable to have a baby due to her own gyn stuff, opted to impregnate her husband via artificial insemination, who went off testosterone two years ago in order to be able to do so.

So that’s it. It’s not complicated, it’s not disgusting. It’s just a man who, with his wife, wanted to have their own child, and had the plumbing to do so. End of story. If any other husband could, and did, we’d all be talking about how brave & selfless he was, but because this particular man was born female at birth, people are freaking out. No need. Choice is the gig, and stuff like this is going to keep happening — baby, we ain’t seen nothing yet.

While I’m here, can we toss the phrase “artificial insemination”? It’s silly. You sure can end up pregnant, & there’s real sperm involved and a real egg. So how about “technologically assisted insemination”? “Manual insemination”? Something better than “artificial.” That makes it sounds like people are getting pregnant with robots or extras from Steven Spielberg movies.

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The Pregnant Man Show

Thomas Beattie (the pregnant man) and his wife Nancy are on Oprah now.

He is just cute as pie, which is a good thing – charming, pretty articulate, bashful in a perfectly masculine way.